Bright Days, Dark nights

I lost my job. This has been the hardest time of my life emotionally, financially and physically. I have been so depressed lately and I thank my sister and friends for their encouraging words. Alot of people don't know but when I was younger I attempted suicide. I wrote a letter and took a bunch of medication. Nothing happened. I remember crying and feeling like a failure because I couldn't even do that right. I kept my letter as a reminder to never stoop so low. I was going through papers and throwing them away and recently came across it. So many emotions ran through my head and I broke down completely.  As bad as it is, i know it could be worse and I have a lot to be thankful for. I now know that.
 My 18 year old cousin who I'm very close to attempted suicide last Saturday and it broke my heart. I always tried to be there for her but she felt like no one was there for her. I understand though. Sometimes you can have smiling faces all around you and still feel alone. I've been there  too many times. I have learned and grown a solid relationship with God and I know that everything I go through is a life lesson and I will soon see brighter days.

  Alot of people have recently been reaching out to me saying I'm MIA. I guess I was ashamed and embarrassed that I lost my job. I can't do the things I used to with a restriction on cash. No clubs, bottle poppin, splurging on bullshit, taking vacations.. none of that. I build this wall around me and have kept everyone out, when these are the times that I need those people more than ever. I've been feeling lonely alot lately. Those people who I thought had my back no matter what, don't. I guess something as simple as losing my job my eyes to the bullshit around me. Like the old saying goes when your on top everyone is in your face smiling, but when you hit the bottom no one is there.

 That's how I feel. No need for anyones sympathy. I don't need any pitty parties or anyone feeling bad for me. I know it will get better in time. I'm learning the importance of stocks and bonds and managing my money instead of splurging on frivolous things that have no value. I'm only 23 but I swear I have learned alot about myself and those around me. I'm still evolving.

be blessed

lately i've been finding myself complaining ALOT. The crazy thing is im so blessed in so many ways and have no reason to complain at all. Im the only one who can change my situation/s (aka the reason im complaining)

its just hard to smile these days..

my auntie died (2 hours after i went to see her) thats craaaazy.

im just sad and down.. so much going on.. but im trying to smile and see the light at the end of the tunnel. i know im blessed.. so i'll be blessed. you do the same

..am i doing something wrong?

okay so im 21
single
childless

...is there a problem??!
ALL of my cousins have kids. while they're yelling at their babies.. im the one playin with them. they dont take me serious. its like im still a child in their eyes since i am kidless. my 27 y/o cousin tells me i'll have one by next year. wdf? no offense to those with kids but is waiting to have kids some taboo? in order for us to fit in must a whining child be attached to our hips?

HUHHHHHHHHHHHH.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH WDF BLOGGER??? IM GETTING AN ERROR MESSAGE WHILE TRYING TO COMMENT. SO DONT THINK IM NOT READING UR BLOGS. THAT WORD VERIFICATION SHIT KEEPS SAYING ERROR.SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH THAT ANNOYING SHIT ON UR PAGE.. I CANT COMMENT.
SO IM DONE BLOGGING AND READING BLOGS FOR THE NIGHT.


PS. WHY IS MY LIP SWOLLEN LIKE CHRIS BROWN PUNCHED ME? UMMMM. THIS IS NOT CUTE. ANGELINA JOLIE HAS NOTHING ON ME RIGHT NOW.

Your lips keep moving but all i hear is blah blah blah

I woke up on my bathroom floor. Not a good look. My dad was like Amber whats wrong with you. I know he thinks im pregnant. (im not!!!) Minutes prior i was throwing up my lungs while holding on the wall and sink in my bathroom. He had dropped me off at 8am. Im not a morning person and never will be. My head was pounding. He's talking about some damn sausages. i DONT eat pork.. i rudely told him. I woke up to him holding me. I hate that. I think i should of been born a guy. Im the most unaffectionate girl you will ever meet. (minus my unaffectionate ass bestfriends)I saw the goose bottle empty laying on the table. Condom wrapper laying next to my clothes that were scattered across the floor. WDF? I didnt remember shit. He picked me up from my house around 10pm. He got me card. I remember laughing. It was cute.. i cant remember a guy ever just giving me a card for no reason. We went downtown to the bars. We went to 5 of them. Non stop drinking, kissing and laughing. We went to this bar called The Tiki Bob and he buys $10.00 shots of death. . I never had it but he insisted i tried it. Im no punk so i'll try anything once. The bartender couldnt believe we really wanted "this shit" his exact words. He gave us 6 chasers and watched us. I said are you about to watch me drink this? He said, "hell yeah i cant believe your about to drink it." (so now im nervous) Took the shot and screamed. Yeah i screamed in the bar. Great way to get all eyes on me. After going to the restroom to pee for the 8th time, we FINALLY left. We went to a couple more bars and proceeded to my hangout spot --->"Broadripple" (where its nothing but drunk cops, drunk white people, cheap drinks and $5.00 bars) I love it. So we drive there and its a ghost town. Well hell it was only midnight. I tell him i wanna go home and i wake up, annoyed with him "holding" me. I ended my one year celibacy. [bitter/sweet]
That was my Friday.

*I tried to do that whole Alicia Keys (like u never see me again type thing) Sorry if your confused.*

So i think i'm done drinking for awhile. I cant recall having a hangover this bad. Ive only felt this way once before (Ashleys 20th b.day) but i drunk damn near a bottle of goose. but i didnt throw up. Im saying no to drugs (weed) and alcohol for awhile. I hate the morning after!

I gotta find my peace of mind.

So like Amber said I have to bring happiness to myself..
And since i feel like i'm doing absolutely nothing with my life
i think i'm going to volunteer and join the CCS. (cross cultural solutions)
Its something like the peace corps but its different in many ways.
Its a not for profit independent organization. I have a friend who goes to Russia for a month every year with her church and she loves it. So I think i'm going to do the insight abroad program, which is a one-week volunteer program offered in Brazil, China, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Morocco, Peru, Russia, and Thailand. You can choose to volunteer from 1 to 12 weeks, but i need to start off small. lol The only downside is i have to raise $1,898 dollars. It really isn't that much but seeing that were in a recession its a-lot. It includes my activities fees, lodging, meals, transportation, local and international phone calls and my travel and medical insurance. Oh and i have to pay for my own airfare. I just talked to a lady on the phone about it and shes supposed to send my more information in the mail. But this is something I've always wanted to do.. So hopefully everything works out for the best.

Oh and my current job is laying us ALL off. They didnt renew their contract w/ the building in which were located, nor w/ sprint so were bascially S.O.L. on April 1st. They told us if we stay until 4-1-09 we can get unemployment. (for those of you who know anything about unemployment you know it takes months to kick it) So its damn near stupid to stay. I've been looking for another job. I hate that job, but i'm so lazy and dont feel like finding a new one. I have been going to these temp to hire places, so hopefully i can find something that will last me to until mid-June (thats when i move) I've also been looking to work at a shelter for the homeless. I just want to give back the best way i can. And i have a huge soft spot for homeless people. If not a shelter than I might try to work back at the boys and girls club. (that was the best job i ever had) As much as i say i dont want kids, they bring me happiness. Well cross your fingers for me.. I hate being broke so i need some employment like a-sap.



p.s. Drake's So Far Gone cd is the shhhhhhhit! He's a beast.

I'm known to walk alone but im alone for a reason

Why do we ask how are one another doing, when we really don't give a damn? We have trained ourselves to say, "I'm okay, How are you?" Knowing 5 minutes ago we were just crying or cussing someone the hell out. I feel like im lying everytime i subconsciously say, "I'm Fine." So why do we all pretend to be fine knowing that were not?

Personally my life is at a stand still as if I'm fighting against the time. I often get in these moods where I want to be alone, NO phone calls or human interaction period. Ashley said they are my i hate the world moods. But its not really that b/c I'm NOT depressed or mad. I cant really explain it. Like Monica said, "Its just one of them days" But i have those days too often. I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life. I'm just here wasting space. If something serious happened to me, i dont think it would severely effect anyone. Yeah a couple of people would make R.I.P. shirts but after a week or two life would go on and i would be forgotten (even by my parents) Is that weird? I don't have suicidal thoughts (anymore) but often I feel as if I'm just here wasting space. Is this normal to think/feel this way?

And when it comes to love i wonder if i've done something awful in my past lifetime? Or is love avoiding me? Yes there are people who like me, but i'm not attracted to them physically, or mentally. So why play games and pretend to when i don't? No i'm not searching for LOVE.. maybe i should of said LIKE. I just feel like its {love/like} is hiding from me or maybe i'm the one avoiding love?

Oh and on Saturday aka anti-valentines day. it was just that "He" didnt call me, text me, nothing. so i have officially put all thoughts and feelings about "Free" in a box and buried it deep. Thats that. I plan on never blogging about him or using any reference to him. ughhh dumb nigga. I dont even want to be "coo" its pointless.


REASON 274682383 WHY I HATE FACEBOOK!!!!
I hate when random guys inbox me or facebook chat me like its a dating service. yuck.. your a lame. My friend Teryn said, "I think technology is ruining chivalry. Facebook, Text Messaging, Myspace. No one can really get to know someone now days." So true. Im going to delete my facebook & myspace before i move to Atlanta. Theres no point in having it. I mean honestly I use the excuse of saying its to keep in touch w/ people. But i don't even like the majority of the people on there, so why lie to myself? I'm too lowkey to let everyone know everything thats going on in my life via facebook status and albums. I have a love/hate relationship with Crackbook.

You know how some girls say they are bored in their relationships b/c the guy is too nice and theres nothing to argue with him about? Well i feel like that with life in general. Not that i need a guy to define me. But theres nothing spontaneous and exciting going on. Nothing to really look forward to. And i guess thats why im so bored. I dont even want to shop. Theres no where to wear the clothes. okay i lied. i can always shop lol Well i guess i just feel alone in the world. Guess thats apart of life. Its so easy to talk about the negative then the positive and its something i need to work on.

My life HAS to be a sitcom

Life Rundown.. I swear my life is a sitcom. I still think its just like Truman Show or better yet maybe i'm being punked. I'm just waiting on Ashton Kutcher to pop up from a bush screaming bitch u just got punked. Since thats how my life seems
Soooo lets see..
The good:
I talked to the lady from admissions for the school I'm transferring to in Atlanta. She confirmed that i start school on July 7th. Too geeked. so I'm in the process of fin aid! My favorite..NOT! I'm flying to Atlanta on Thursday w/ my girls, so I'll probably make a stop by the school.

Oh and i met a new little booty. {that's what me and the bff calls new potential boo's] he's funny and coo as hell.. SO FAR ATLEAST! I promise these guys last 2 -3 days then I'll be over the situation.

this past wknd. i found a new hangout spot. too excited. Indianapolis sucks ass to me and I'm over the club scenes here. i hang out at the bougee black clubs, ghetto black clubs, bars with crazy white folk..fuckin EVERYWHERE and still hate the club scene [secretly] lol. So i finally went to this little comedy place with my cousins and bff. My cousin has been trying to get me to go there for months now! i had sooooooooooo much fun. You can get drunk and laugh your ass off literally. The comics were pretty funny and it was a chill hangout spot (very date appropriate since i like laughing) The only bad thing is its a two drink minimum and i don't like buying my own drinks.

The bad:
At work..i almost committed suicide. LITERALLY. i hate that fuckin place. i hate stupid bitch ass dumb ass effin customers who call in for dumb ass shit..{excuse the profanity, just thinking of it pisses me off} especially when they try to get me to adjust their account yet they are cussin at me. "uuugh no bitch I'm not giving you shit." today i almost got fired SWEAR! i was like, "Ma'am your going to have to calm the [--paused almost cussed] your going to have to calm down so i can help you." a sup was walking by. luckily he was a coo supervisor who likes me and was like you cant talk like that. ugh why not. I NEED TO FIND A NEW JOB!!!

The Ugly:
It seems like when i make 2 steps forward. I'm knocked back four more. Like sooo much bullshit has happened THIS YEAR.. its only the 26Th day of January. The only great thing is Obama being president. Everything else is bullshit. well sorta. Its alot of little things that's happening but the shits adding up. I'm the type of person to smile although its nothing to smile about. I just don't feel the need to complain all day. It never solves anything. plus i hate people asking me, whats wrong. I want to punch them in the face when they ask me that. Yeah i know you care, but your being nosey and adding more fuel to the fire. Just leave me alone. So instead of showing I'm mad.. i smile and listen to their bullshit life stories and play my Dr. Phil role that so many people look at me as. Don't get me wrong.. i don't mind giving advice but sometimes its like people take me for granted.. like i don't have my own problems.


Well that's life. So far. I'll post again later this week.. i need to start packing. i have clothes everywhere.

stay tuned for the next episode of


L A T E R

carpe diem

Just wishing everyone a fab week!

i had a really good weekend. I just cooled out and didnt do anything this weekend. i watched the first season of sex in the city, Friday, Menance II society and went to the movies to see not easily broken. i cried like a bitch through the whole movie. its sooooo good and i recommend it!

-excited for notorious. im sure it will be my fav movie of 09.

well ttyl bloggers.
have a good week

09 is not your time to shine! ..its mine

Isn't a cell phone supposed to be answered when u actually feel like answering it? ...hmm yeah thought so. Sorry if i havent been answering my phone. I've just been in my own world, dealing with my own issues and being me.

And im beyond irritated. im in my delete facebook mood. All these status about how 09 is their year, 09 is my time to shine, 08 was great but 09 is mine. ughh shut the fuckkkk up! no its not. 08 ,07 and 06 wasnt. so why do u think 09 will be any better?? i hate facebook. i just get on it on my phone when im at work bored or around people who aren't entertaining.

I chatted with the ex yesterday. It was very interesting. I wasnt sure if he was saying he wants to be with me (relationship wise) or were just coolin out. He was like aww you leaving in June to move to ATL. Im not sure how this is going to work. I was like huh? How what is going to work? I guess I give off some kind of FALSE signals to males and to make them believe i like them. When i dont. Im an asshole and really mean and nonchalant. But idk if they think im flirting or what.. but i swear im not.

I think im going to get inked up this up coming weekend.. on my lonesome.
I know all the tattoos i want. I was going to wait and save a little more so i could get like 3 at the same time.. but i suck at saving money!

Well nothing new is really going on in my life. Im just spending time with myself and loving myself. Its fun. you should try.

Well if i dont blog again.. Happy New Years! I wont be doing anything. I WAS going out of town but im cooo. My sister keeps begging me to go to church with her and i really hate going to church but i might give in. I have to work New Years Eve anyways but i heard we might go home early. If so.. who knows. I might be at the bar by myself drunk. lol

oh and ps. i think im about to do a layout change. what colors should i choose? Hmmm.

pss. I gave my number to a really cute guy. I have no idea was his nationality was but he was making me laugh. We shall see.

okay forreal. Byeee.

didn`t cha know

Random Facts About Me
ENJOY!
•i was named after the yellowish, goldish "Amber" colored school bus lights that my dad saw after leaving the hospital to go to work.. after i was born. better than Fabien, Antoinette and Jazmin.(other name choices)
•im 21 but dont look, feel or act 21
•im soooo mean and blunt to ppl i dont care about, or if someone is getting on my nerves.
•im weird and random
•i've never dated anyone darker than me. i used to be so picky. im over that stage now
•im afraid to get fat
•i watch ATL and Love Jones all the time
•i love gangsta bang bang shoot em up movies
•i cry like a baby when i read books and during movies
•i hate when ppl stare at me, someone wants wat i want simply b/c i want it, try to prove me wrong, dirty fingernails and long fingernails on guys, dirty shoes, wrinkled clothes and dirty ears (just to name a few pet peeves)
•i love gay male friends! they are the best
•i love chicken lol thats the only thing keeping me fron beinga vegetarian
•i want see the world
•ive never missed an episode of Desperate Housewives
•ive had the most boyfriends but i only count like 3
•i was almost a mother at the age of 18
•im afraid of commitment
•i believe in karma
•
•i love being alone, yet fear being by myself
•im obsessed with Robert Nesta Marley
•i love old school music
•im afraid of clowns, hospitals, animals, bugs, thunderstorms and old white men
•im afraid of living more than im afraud of dying
•ill try anything once
•i kissed a girl and i didnt like it lol
•i'll kiss almost anyone
•im not big on religion
•i have 2 bestfriends named Ashley
•i wanna get married but i dont think i ever will
•i can sleep the day away
•i'd rather text then talk in my phone
•i love Kanye West, Lauryn Hill, Common, Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, Teedra Moses, Jay,Talib, Mos Def, N.E.R.D., Natasha Bedingfield and bands!
•if i dont have my cell phone i dont feel safe
•i havent had sex in almost a year!
•i love post it notes!
•i have a slight case of ocd
•i lose 2 friends each year
•im extremely close to my sister
•i techinally have my own house although its my dads house
•im nocturnal
•i dropped out of college
•i plan on moving to the Uk in ³yrs
•i think all babies are ugly at first. but i'll still say awwww.
•im sarcastic as hell
•im tired of writing this list
....part 2 later

its been a long time coming

omg im so sorry i really have been busy. believe it or not ive still been keeping up with everyones blogs i normally read. this job i have doesnt allow me much time to do a thng. i be soooo tiree yall. my life has done a 360 when it comes to friends. im drifting further away from my ''childhood'' friends. ppl have been showing their true colors. one of them just had a baby. its 4 of us who have been friends forever and not only did she not let us (me and blackbarbie) be god mamas, t.t.'s none of that but she didnt even call to tell us she had her baby. im not going to lie that shit hurt but its her lost. another friend is so effin petty it makes no sense. im so tired of bein the bigger person. id rather not deal with it. yes its worth it and yes ive thought about it. im good its just sad things have really come to this. thats life huh

one body. one soul. one mind. one peace.

meditation is so refreshing.
its my new love. its such an out of body experience.
its been helpin me stop worryin and allows me to spend 30 minutes of quiet quality time with myself.
i get in these moods where i dont wanna be bothered. its unexplainable.
nothing is even wrong. thats just how i feel. KB has been reading this book i really wanna find it and read it "STAR FINDINGS". i wanna get into breaking down numbers and finding meanings in every day life. ill blog later about EVERYTHING else thats going on.

ONE LOVE PPL

Oh Em Gee.

It's a Friday night and guess what i'm doing. BLOGGING!
Damn i have no life. One of my guy friends "S" who likes me but is so fucking annoying just called trying to cake. Heres the convo:
JD: (deep breath) Hello
S:Hey
JD: Umm. Hey
S:You at the crib
JD: yeah why
S: Im about to come over.
JD: Ugh are you? (sarcasm)
S: Yeah.. what i cant?
JD: Naw im about to leave (lying)
S: Damn i cant come and say hello
JD: FOR WHAT if im about to leave?
The poor guy just kept begging.. but i don't give in to shit like that. One of my homegirls "ShaQuana" just called me asking if i wanted to go blow one and go cosmic bowling. Im considering it. Lord knows i need a job and i cant be trying to take other peoples pee to the place to take a drug test again. That shit was disgusting. I had my cousin pee in this baggie. and the shit leaked all in my pants AND IT STUNK! my stomach is super weak so i was gagging. But i learned a trick. For you weed smokers.. if u put a itty pity drop of bleach in your pee it would come out clean. It worked for me. But im not even a smoker. i will every blue moon. So dont get it twisted. But back to me being bored. This shit is for the birds. Well i'm out. Facebook i shall go.

Mother Mary's Monthly Mayheim.

Yeah Mother Nature herself aka Mary aka (insert tampon here) is over visiting me. She has been here for about three days. She leaves tomorrow. But I really hate her ass. Why was was Eve so fucking naive? I blame her. lol So of course i'm super emotional, clumsy, annoyed, bloated.. all the above. I dropped my phone in the sink (while i was washing my face)
Cried profusely while watching Dr. Phil (suicide at the Golden Bridge episode)
Changed clothes like 4 times because nothing to seemed to fit right.
Super annoyed (with this job search)
Aggravted (my phone keeps magically turning on and off)
I think i'm bipoloar doing this time of the month.. when Mary comes to make her monthly visit.
Anyone else ever feel this way?

IS ORGiNALiTY TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

Where is a little.. Innovation, novelty, uniqueness, inventiveness, creativity, freshness, imagination.. Get the picture. Can you find your own light through the tunnel without using someone else’s flashlight?

If theres a soulmate for everyone,,

I have been searching high and low for this Tyler Perry song from his movie Madeas Family Reunion... the lightbulb finally went off in my head and i looked up the soundtrack ( duh Amber ) And it's called, Find myself in you by Brian Mcknight. I loooooove this song. Although i'm no where close to being in love.. its coo thinking about the what if's and possibilites. So of course I started thinking about alot of foolishness.. missing ppl that used to be in my life (males) but its a reason why they aren't there. I just took some time out and thought about a few of them and the things I could of done differently. I also thought about the lessons learned.

*off subject* I have three wonderful bestfriends Marla and The-Ashley's.
Okay Marla is the epitome of love. She loves hard and wears her emotions on her sleeve. The thing is she knows when a situation is wrong and can admit to it (which I respect) While my other two bestfriends are complete opposite. They are both very laid back and hate P.D.A. to the fullest degree. Its actually pretty funny.
One of the Ashleys hates any type of affection. She will blurt out.. "This is gay" or "Your gay" in a heartbeat. Although its a male doing these things. lol
NO OFFENSE IF ANY GAYS ARE READING. I LOVE YOU ALL
But she is just crazy like that. The other Ashley gets nervous "talking to someone she likes" in public. She said she thinks everyone is looking at her. lol
When it comes to myself.. I really don't mind the affection as long as its at an appropriate time. Kissing and cuddling aren't a big deal to me. I like chilling with the guy I like. Watch a movie and converse a little. Being mushy is okay SOMETIMES but its not anything I would want to do all the time. I'm some what in the middle of my bestfriends. I dont mind the love and affection (like Marla) but sometimes I need my space. I do not wear any type of emotion on my sleeve. I wear my armor instead. (like the- Ashleys)
I'm really not afraid of love I just think its pointless in this period of my life. Its cool to have someone around and someone to talk to but falling in love and being vunerable hmmmmmm i'll pass!

This is blog is so pointless and random. I don't even have a point. But words of advice to MALES! If a girl: talks to you, calls you often, sounds calm on the phone, laughs and giggles around you, wants to be around you, often ask where you are at, text you often.. she likes you dummy! I dont understand why guys dont realize that. If a girl didn't like you she wouldnt care and none of these things would ever occur. The point im trying to make is.. she wants a relationship. Guys if thats not your thing.. then dont run game and talk to her. Get straight to the point. If she sleeps with you even if your blunt about it then good for you. If she slaps you, hangs up on you or cusses you out then thats not the type of girl she is. Thats the reality of it.

"Who doesn't long for someone to hold who knows how to love you without being told. Somebody tell me why I'm on my own. If theres a soulmate for everyone." -Natasha Bedingfield

I often think about us. I wish it could of been more than what it was. But I am thankful I was allowed to have you in my life, even if it was for a short amount of time. You made me happy.

blah blah blah

Nothing really to blog about. I just feel like im here. Not doing a damn thing not being productive.. not caring. thats how i feel about things. im supposed to go to chicago for the weekend just because..no reason. thats how we do things..

im here bored out of my mind. thinking about copping a boyfriend. lol seriously i havent been in a relationship since my junior yr. in high school (a serious one) my last boyfriend was my freshman yr in college but i really dont count it because it didnt last long at all. so its about that time.

oh and i think im about to get a dog. i really want one.

B!@#F^$%$#F%!!

yeah thats my hair in the sink. i told everyone if i didnt leave for school i would do this. last night i was up [thinking] which in my case isnt always a good thing. i just got up. went in the bathroom pulled my hair back into a ponytail and cut it. after that i washed it and cut some more. craazy?? not really. all my problems are in that sink. seriously.
"this morning i woke up.. feeling brand new. i jumped up. put on headband and my flats.. grabbed my celly and the louie bag" with no remorse no regrets or anything. i actually started cutting a little more. my bestfriend Ashley- Ashley came over my house thinking i did something to myself because i wasnt answering my phone or responding to my text.


I just wanna be left alone though. no phone calls from anyone. not even my sister or bestfriends. i just need to regroup.im really stuck here. lol i cant believe it. i dont even care about the hair.. im just thinking about a lot of stuff. people and their ways. wondering why people are still so afraid to be themselves. This is not anything to get attention because i can careless about something like that. thats not my style. i dont want anyone worrying about me. It was to show im comfortable being who i am.. with or without hair. its sad i have to keep my ideas in my head because im afraid of someone stealing my credit. you can not steal my shine.

im still trying to move with one of my aunties in cali. indiana isnt the place for me. i love change wayyyy to much. cali, new york or atl. so where ever i can be.. i will be me.

peace out ppl .
sinercely,
Amber

I AM Legend.. in my mind atleast

this blog is dedicated to my bestfriend Ashley. lol heeeeey girl.

basically i havent blogged in foreverrrr. my bad.
sooo much to talk about.
i leave boring oh indiana in like 2 1/2 weeks. cant wait
wonder if Mr. C is going to be different.

cant believe i havent been anywhere on summer vaca in over 2 years!!
next year im outta here. tryna cool out on the victoria harbour in japan.

im suuuuuuuper late. but the media trying to bash my girl E.Badu. yall weak for that.
ppl are tooooo caught up on celebrites. we fail to realize they are REAL ppl just like us.

weekend wackness. the 38th annual indianapolis black expo was the past wknd. lets sum it up. over 30 arrest.. racist police.. thousands of black ppl. $5.00 gas.. trash everywhere. mosquitos. buzzin. hair frizzy. face sweating. clubs taxin. high wasted jeans (hate em). bad weaves. dusty feet. spinnin rims. boomin systems. raggedy outfits. =wacknesssss. i hate expo.

life. im content. i feel like im missing something but i dont know what.
im focused like Jay Z tryna get a billi.
hustlin like rick ross.
chillin with my girls actin silly.
tryna fly to miami with big willie.
done rhymin hope u feel me.

=) xoxo gossip girl.