I feel like a lost soul floating like a balloon.

At the very second i have ne-yo's (don't fall in love) song on repeat. LISTEN HERE
This song does something to me. I can hear him telling me this. And I'm just looking at him with that "nigga you must not know bout me" face. I was thee QUEEN of never falling in love and letting emotions get in the way. But i ate my words and fell... HARD. I'm just now getting back up. I think i messed alot of that up. i tried to act all coo like nothing mattered.. then out of no where i got all pissed and started asking all kind of questions, showing that i was catching feelings.. then he told me he didn't want to be with me. gave me some dumb ass excuse... and at that moment i knew i fell. It took forever for me to ever face that fact. This song just brings back memories that i tried to hide behind makeup. but shit it hurts listening to this song. yet i cant stop listening.

Well any who. Happy 09 bitches! I wish you all a year of growth, love, hope and change.

My sister's boyfriend proposed to her on New Years Eve. It was the cutest thing ever. I love those two. They make you want to find you better half. I'm so happy for her.. And i actually like him. He is a real coo person.

I bought the new year in with one of bff's ShaMarla and Teryn. It was random but fun. I got drunk fast as hell. (Svedka, Date Rape, Wine, Hennessey and blunts) I remember i kept dropping my phone and i called or texted like everyone in my phone. My mom said i called her drunk (which I've NEVER done that) it was kind of funny i suppose. Then i went to the bars with ShaMarla and her cousin Tiara. I saw so many ppl from high school. My ex bff was there. We didn't say a word to each other. It was kind of weird but whatever. Oh and the girl i said was a blog stalker was there as well. I didn't say anything to her either. lol. I hate being fake. Whats the point. If i don't like you. Shit i dont like you. But It was bittersweet. I WAS supposed to go to Atl for NYE but i didn't go b/c of some miscommunication. Now i guess Ashley is mad or whatever. But she still went. Good for her. Hope she had fun. its funny though because i know she was saying all kinds of negative shit about me on the ride down. lol But that's life..right? We haven't been talking like we normally do. But im busy reading books to understand life.. She's my bff and all but sometimes you just need a break from people you know.

My news years resolution.. hmm i really didn't make one. i just made promises to myself. I recorded my new years resolution that i made for 2008 and i actually accomplished alot of the things i set out for myself. This year is kind of easy. Its all about me. Being selfishness at its finest. I don't care anymore. I'm not holding anything back. Not sparing anyones feelings. No one else does.. so why should I? Im keeping alot to myself, it seems like every time i say I'm doing something or want something someone ALWAYS tries to beat me to it. But on the bright side. I'll be back enrolled in college and living in HotLanta real soon.

I thought of this really cool tattoo idea. I told my friend about it. She liked it too. I wrote the looooongest blog about it but it wouldn't post. so i will try later.

Well i hope you guys like the new layout. Its plain yet to the point. That's what i wanted. i have a second option. But I'll try this one out for awhile.

Well i hope you all had a great, drunk new years. i wish u all the best. peace.

09 is not your time to shine! ..its mine

Isn't a cell phone supposed to be answered when u actually feel like answering it? ...hmm yeah thought so. Sorry if i havent been answering my phone. I've just been in my own world, dealing with my own issues and being me.

And im beyond irritated. im in my delete facebook mood. All these status about how 09 is their year, 09 is my time to shine, 08 was great but 09 is mine. ughh shut the fuckkkk up! no its not. 08 ,07 and 06 wasnt. so why do u think 09 will be any better?? i hate facebook. i just get on it on my phone when im at work bored or around people who aren't entertaining.

I chatted with the ex yesterday. It was very interesting. I wasnt sure if he was saying he wants to be with me (relationship wise) or were just coolin out. He was like aww you leaving in June to move to ATL. Im not sure how this is going to work. I was like huh? How what is going to work? I guess I give off some kind of FALSE signals to males and to make them believe i like them. When i dont. Im an asshole and really mean and nonchalant. But idk if they think im flirting or what.. but i swear im not.

I think im going to get inked up this up coming weekend.. on my lonesome.
I know all the tattoos i want. I was going to wait and save a little more so i could get like 3 at the same time.. but i suck at saving money!

Well nothing new is really going on in my life. Im just spending time with myself and loving myself. Its fun. you should try.

Well if i dont blog again.. Happy New Years! I wont be doing anything. I WAS going out of town but im cooo. My sister keeps begging me to go to church with her and i really hate going to church but i might give in. I have to work New Years Eve anyways but i heard we might go home early. If so.. who knows. I might be at the bar by myself drunk. lol

oh and ps. i think im about to do a layout change. what colors should i choose? Hmmm.

pss. I gave my number to a really cute guy. I have no idea was his nationality was but he was making me laugh. We shall see.

okay forreal. Byeee.

it wasn't nothing merry about it.

okay so I officially hate Christmas. I hate the fake hugs and kisses, putting on these perfectly painted pictures in front of guests. Its funny because I used to LOVE the holidays, now not so much. Its the season of giving, well no one gave me SHIT like seriously my parents gave me didley squat. I really feel like I wasted my hard earned money.. so never again! I don't even want anything from anyone else. I dont understand why ppl cant just give me money or giftcards. people still trying to pick SHIT for me that they think is cute.. when its not!

I vow I will never spend another christmas here again!

other news..
"i ran into an old friend yesterday..... he caught me by surprise when called my name. he had a familiar face another chapter in my past" -Fantasia

so umm yeah i saw an old ex at the mall. he looked really cute surprising, but when I think of him I dwell on the past. we were so young, dumb, and naive. so thinking of us having any sort of future seems impossible. but five mins into catching up he clearly let me know he was single and wanting a relationship. hmmmm about that!

ne who if ur bored like me throughout the holidays go catch Will Smiths movie 7 pounds.. that movie was fantastic, if u haven't seen it u should! i cried at the end(in secret)


well blogfam.. I hope ur holidays will be better than mine are going. well eat lots of food, drink lots of liquor,and be safe.

xoxo

don't be lookin at me like i aint wearin no drawls

i feel like a charity case. im the single friend that my friends guy friends try to hook me up with. since when? i used to play cupid.. the match maker. Now im getting hooked up? So not cool! Okay well anyways one of my bffs her dude called me today to hook me up with his friend. i was offended at first, then was like what the hell why not. And he is muy caliente! i was sooooo nervous b/c im not with the whole meeting strangers thing, but he was so nice. Dude shook my hand. He's (Pakastain-in)
my family already thinks im weird.. so i just gave 'em one more reason to say it. So he's potential (cross ur fingers)

oh i got my ear pierced this past wknd. i forgot what its called so i'll post a pic later. i want 2 tattoos next wknd too. (my x~mas present to myself) cant wait. and YES KB i thought and researched every permanet thing i ever do. pix soon.

oh i got a new phone too. i LoVe LOvE LOVe it!! its the touch diamond by sprint.

oh i just watched Cadillac Records. lol @ Bey. i cant take her serious cussin or acting. Mos Def <-- i love that man. Movie was good, its crazy how it was back in the day. i wouldnt have survived. But Beyonce KILLS the songs. And i want the soundtrack. im a sucker for musicals and movies about bands. I was like 15 when i realized the 5 heartbeats wasn't a real band lol. but the jackson 5 (the american dream),the temprations movie, dreamgirls, ray.. all that i love those movies.

so this is really bothering me.. this chick SHE knows who she is.. she CLEARLY reads our blogs and even those ppl in my blog roll. its not a problem seeing that we had a link to the-jezebels on facebook. but she is ALL OF A SUDDEN commenting on the blogs of those we read, but doesn't say a word on ours.. so this is my shout out to u Miss Lady.. we see u lol

dear santa,
i wanna go ice skating
i want a record player
i want my dads car
i want the sex in the city collection
i want some chanel earrings
i want some burberry and chanel perfume
i want a cute watch
i want a cute leather coat
i want some stripper boots
i want some uggs
and i want a boo.
xoxo JD
yeah so x~mas is next week and im sooooo not ready for it. Christmas usually is my fav. holiday but im too lazy to shop for ppl. i dont care this year.


well thats all of my randomness.. Later