Love is a deadly feeling.
It gives you passion, but jealousy.
It gives you sorrow, but happiness.
It gives you, it makes you, & it breaks you.

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this is more than just a silly crush

so there is a new person stirring in the works

well i lied he's not new.. hes actually someone OLD.. but i still like him and care for him a great deal. oh and he's a cutie pootootie.
only one little BIG problem he has a baby. i cant stand his baby mama. so you feel the drift. his daughter is actually four and i have known him waaaay before the baby came along. but me and the baby mama have never like each other. although he takes care of his daughter to the fullest and cant stand the babymama either shes still there, the kid is still there and the drama will follow.
(BACKGROUND) **we dated in hs briefly i was a virgin not doing anything.. found out he was talkin to other girls. broke up. i got a bf. cheated with him.. messed around for awhile, it didnt goo anywhere, lost contact.**

any who. like i said i really do like him. he's very chill and laid back my type of guy. he's really nice, has his shit together PLUS he gives me butterflies, im nervous around him.. i think before i speak (i'm not mean to him) im vunerable, im open & honest, i like him A LOT!
BUT I'm very selfish and I'm not sure if i can be number 2 in anyones life..
esp. seeing that i don't have any kids. i don't have any doubts or trust issues, i just have a gut feeling I'm going to end of fighting his babymama.
I'm too old for drama and fighting. but my attitude will get the best of me. chick has a mouthpiece on her.
but that's the new .. well reoccurring boo in my life.
i really dont know what to do. i know what im getting myself into. im a pessimist i expect something to go wrong. i expect sadness instead of complete happiness. i do this to myself. am i tripping? should i just ride it out? should i stay or should i go?

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Jay Z concert

Last Thursday my home girl Ashley and I traveled to the University of Illinois to see none of than Mr. Hovie Baby.. (jay z) in concert. it was the best night of my life.


we had great seats. center 8th row.
before the fucking thing started i lost my batteries to my camera and i wanted to cry. luckily ash had hers.

first up. Jcole. i am in LOVE with this man. both looks and lyrically.
when he came to the stage.. it was hardly anyone there. I started screaming when he came out and go up dancing and rapping along with him. he was looking dead at me. i was melting. he's so fine and so talented. i cant wait for his cd.



then wale came out.
attention deficit just dropped last Tuesday so i was very excited to see him live.
he had the crowd super hype.. running out to the stands and dancing with his fans.

up next... n.e.r.d. if u haven't seen them live you MUST. they are so life. hype and full of life. they had everyone hype and jumping up and down. they told girls to come on stage. i guess no one got that memo because me and ashley jetted out and up onto the stage. we danced around for about 3 songs until they kicked us off. pharrell and shay are sooo cute.


then..jay came. if u saw him on the fuse channel 9/11/2009 then u know how great of a show he puts on. it was damn near a replica of that performance. we were screaming to the top of our lungs belching out lyrics from all of his cds. he performed for damn near 2 hrs. he was live as hell. it was the best concert that we have ever been to and i cant wait to see him again in march.








ok so after the show i was in groupie mode to find j.cole. mission FAILED.
BUT we did follow some random black suvs. for a couple of blocks until we realized how crazy we looked.. so we stopped.

ohh yeah and i thought i saw wale so i attacked some random dude who looked like him from the back. nope it wasnt him. sooo funny.

great concert. great time. best night ever.

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hello lovers

my bad. i haven't blogged in a week or two. forgive me?
not much has been going on. i was in terrible need of some …… [since i dont have a bf you fill in the blank] so i've found myself real bitchie, moody & h-rny. but ya girl got some. so im greeeat.

oh today is going to be amazing. NOT ONLY am i about to see my future husband.. babydaddy JERMAINE "J-COLE" COLE but im about to see wale, N.E.R.D. (I heart them) And none other than SEAN CARTER, JAY Z, JAY, HOV, HOVA, HOVIE BAAAABY. IM GEEEEEEEEEKED. cant wait. anxious, nervous, excited, happy.. every freaking feeling is going through my body. when i see j.cole im going to die, when i see jay i will die again.

anywho my homie and i will be roadtripping to the university of illinois later today to see them. joy.
pictures, video, "groupie stories" coming soon.

i will be updating every second via twitter.
www.twitter.com/anotheramber

ttyl.
love you all.
besos

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fallin in love aint shit.

You all know i'm a twitter junky. Fabolous tweeted, "Fallin in love is a gift & a curse.." I so agree. so this is what the post is based off of.

Lately I've been TRYING my hardest to open up and be nicer. I do know I push people away because I don't want anyone to get close to me and hurt me. So my mechanism is to push ppl away. Remember when Omarion made that song icebox? "I gotta icebox where my heart used to be" Yup thats me.
my motto not to expect shit from people so I wont be surprised when they lie, cheat and hurt me. might seem coldhearted but it works for me.

read my previous post on my outlook on love. but im not for it. i dont even like saying it.

but if you do fall in love its like be careful. soak up as much as you can because that shit wont last unless your both equally putting in the time for it to work. which 80% of the time isnt true.

its a curse because you simply end up hurt and confused.

as soon as you break up/ call it quits it jumps from I love him/her to I hate that bitch/nigga. So is it really love to begin with or a case of lust.
Alex I'll take lust for 300.

True love is something few ppl experience. If you experience it your lucky and dont take it for granted because its a drought out here.

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Standards vs reality

Is love truly blind? so tainted that you cant see it when its in front of you? I wonder if I'm passing up potentials because I'm waiting on this perfect guy to knock me off my feet? Am i lying to myself? is it wrong to have standards so high that i know 98% of the guys I'm in contact with will never meet? am i setting myself up for failure and a life of loneliness and what ifs? i was told (by a guy who likes me) I'm cold and i keep pushing him away. don't get me wrong. i like his company but i cant see myself being in a relationship with him. he really tries and does all the right things but he's just not good enough to be in a committed relationship with. Hell commitment scares the crap out of me. he asked am i running from happiness ( i got smart & sarcastic) but the truth is yes. being completely happy scares me, I'm so used to BS that its all i expect. watching sex in the city, the game,gossip girl, desperate housewives & whatever else i choose to kill my brain cells with DOES NOT HELP. its like everywhere i turn its love. pda, love songs... its everywhere and its no escaping it. I'm second guessing my choices, and i hate when this happens. in order to find true happiness does it mean i need to love?

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