You're not even worth a title.

I was happy. 
Well I thought I was.
I was really growing to like someone. I actually loved him.
I was not "in" love but I loved:
his presence,
his spirit,
his laugh,
his conversation,
hell his scent even left me feeling elated.
I am confused as hell while writing this because I don't know where that feeling went.
His scent now stinks.
His laugh makes my head hurt.
His conversation is dry.
His spirit no longer moves me.
His presence is no longer there.


I felt as if I got the short end of the stick.
Long story short he got mad at me for some unknown reason and the next thing I know he is no longer there.
Our love died. 
Out of no where the calls stopped, and text messages were ignored.
I would get on facebook and he would quickly get off. So being the bawse that I am I just blocked his ass.
I blocked him from facebook, calling me, and my life as a whole.
I feel like I lost my homie-lover-friend.
I guess it's in retaliation for him hurting my feelings. But I had to let go.
I refuse to feel like boo boo the foo. I refuse to feel stupid and constantly wondering what did I do wrong. So this is my Dear John letter. Nothing more to say.

Signed,
 The best thing you never had.

Why I'm Single

Why do people always define single people as being miserable, bitter, scorn and unhappy? Especially women. You hear shit like, "I'm not trying to be the old lady who dies alone with her cats." Umm what? What about embracing individuality? Working on your career and goals. Do we really need a partnership to be happy beings?


So I received a phone call from an "old" friend. Well someone who used to like me and I never liked him back. This is funny because my home girl Ashley just got a phone call like this too.
Anyways. He's all like I'm the one that got away, he misses me, still wants to be with me. He's like i hope you don't have a boyfriend. Im like whaaaat. Hes like yeah because I'm still trying to wife you blahhh blahhhhhhh.

(side note) Not sure if yall caught Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami's latest episode when Omarion tried to wife up Khloe and she died laughing. (if you missed it see episode here) Whelp that's my life. I laugh when i'm placed in uncomfortable situations. Guys tell me all the time how I never take them serious. I tend to run away from relationships. It makes me nervous as hell, not guys but the commitment part. My friends have always known me as being the "player" because I talk to so many guys. This mechanism is solely so I wont focus on just one guy and fuck around and start liking his ass. I'm NOT afraid of being hurt, not by anymeans (thats a huge risk you take when being in a relationship) I'm just simply afraid of falling hard for someone and losing myself in the process.

I'd rather keep it simple and have a (on the surface) relationship. Which means, not too many questions being asked, no stories of past relations, no meeting family especially parents, and no PDA (which is trifling) We can hangout and do all that good stuff just as friends would do without titles to complicate things. Make sense? I would think most guys would be down for my arrangement, but as you can see that's not my situation. They usually want relationships, or tell me they l-ve me and I have to leave them be.
My family have started asking me when am i going to bring someone home. Ummmmm you don't bring these guys home. I don't plan on letting my family meet anyone until Im serious with them. My niece asked me was my best friend Ashley my girlfriend. I was like Ohhh shit thats not good, she thinks I'm gay. hahaha. I just haven't taken anyone serious in almost two years. I'm young and the place that I'm at in life isn't ready for anything serious or anyone to complicate my situation.

I don't understand why people need others to define themselves, especially females. They give girls like me a bad name. Most guys think I'm automatically clingy, and going to be all girly and fall in l-ve fast. But that isn't me at all. I am guarded, one of the least emotional females you'll ever meet in life. I'm not one for PDA, holding hands, kissing for no reason, saying i l-ve you. etc. I'm super sarcastic and I'm mean as hell (so i've been told). I've never been the type to "need" a boyfriend. I never want a man to represent me.

Usually if i answer my phone after giving out my number that guy only last for 3-5 days without me being annoyed. In my personal situations the guys i talk to are thirstier then most females i know (when it comes to wanting to be in relationships.) Sometimes i wonder if I'm leading people on or passing up someone good, because of my preferences but i know I'm not. I tell the guys i don't like them like that, sometimes several times. And i cant help what i prefer. I'm not limiting myself or lowering my standards for anyone. I just want my next relationship to be with someone that can and will actually last. I'm not jumping head first into anything. So if a male cant take being my friend then he doesn't need to be with me in the first place.

Tis the season to be caking fa la la la la.. la la la la. With that said you will see me blog about relationships and wanting a new "boo" or "boyfriend" from time to time. Ignore me. I'm talking shit. Its just about to be cold out, which means no clubs and hanging out as often as I could be. So i get bored and started thinking about dumb shit like boyfriends. Don't get me wrong i have friends and silent partners just no one worth bringing surface and displaying l-ve for. When that situation presents itself and the timing is right then I will. Until then......

But this is why I'm single and will be until further notice. 85% of the time I'm perfectly happy. So don't think I'm bitter, a man hater or anything. I'm good. I just thought I'd address the situation. For now I'll continue to be a "single black female addicted to retail"

xoxo
Sincerely,
Amber

My Soul Bleeds Royal Blue (this might be too deep for you)

The truth has absorbed itself into fabrication
flanked by the foggy mirrors where my image lives
sheltered souls.shallow. royal blue reflections.
Communication lacks at time but he feels me
we make love --intellectually
in the flesh my soul bleeds.royal blue.

LIES turn to deceit
queen of cold. its winter year 'round
ice box is where my heart resides
he sucked me into this trap but i have to breathe to live.
i run. get away. i run. i run i run.
cries within so my lips lock onto the purple to free my mind.

love don’t live here no more.
I’ve dug the words into my skin deep.
so deep thats all we have left is this love hate
head congested with dishonesty.
the truth hurts to bad.
the memories fade to black
his scent still lingers and lies on my bed still-- stiff.
so i run. i run i run. to get free i run.

coke and hennessey is in my blood stream
my smiles are misleading.
convincing I pretend to be.
my Happiness is past tense
our souls bleed royal blue
take off your cool and reveal your soul.
behind your image is not a man but a childish fool.

im cold. i fade love is gone. Its love hate.
she dying. no need to protect her force
let her go. no need in reviving her.
hes gone. playing games with someone elses heart
so i run to get free. I run from our memories.
until my soul bleeds
royal blue

Grab a pen and some paper and take notes

I used to think about immature things
Y'know like, do you love me? Do you want me?
Are you gon' call me like you said you would?
Is this really your real phone number?

WAIT A MINUTE MOTHAF$&@!@##$# .....

-IF I LIE and give u the wrong number.. dont confront me telling me i did.

-IF <--- i do give you my number PLEASE dont ask me when should you call, or when it is a good time for me?

-Dont ask my friends for my number

-Dont have your friend come up to me to tell me you want to talk to me. (Were grown now boo boo)

-If your trying to talk to me DONT grab my arm, make birdcalls, dog whistles any other weird ass sound, Scream AYEEEE SHAWTY, Yo, Aye you with the red hair, Lil Mama in the (pick a color) ...you will get ignored


-iF im backing up.. that means your too close

-Please dont whisper in my ear.. it freaks me out

-Dont ask me if i like you.

-Dont act insecure and think im your girlfriend just because we had sex

-Dont call asking do i have any "buddies" for your homeboy. This is NOT MATCHMAKER.COM

-Dont call and TELL ME your about to come over. Nigga ask.. thanks

SORRY I HAD TO VENT.

To Love

Dear Love,
I feel like i'm in a war between my heart and pride. I love to be with you , yet I refuse to hurt inside. Yeah you MIGHT care, but some things are based upon lie. If it wasn't I wouldnt feel this empty inside. I'm afraid to let you in because of the pain thats sure to come. At this rate I'll NEVER find the one. To afraid of tears, from the karma that sure find me from previous years. Maybe its all just lust. Because I seem to always put too much effort in "us" Love can you even hear me? You've ignored me all these years. I worthy of some attention by now. I've taken a personal time out to do soul searching to find out me. Now im straight lonely. Just wondering if you bailed out on me. I just hope you can still find me.

Sincerely,
Me

LOVE is a LOSING game

Amy Winehouse said it best, "Why do I wish I never played-- Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame Love is a losing game

I held the title
Wore the crown
I was the trophy
While you ducked down
And she was cool With just fooling around
Now number four was there to ride And five was crazy his wild child
And when we're rocky He calls number nine
And you don't know
You fill many spaces
And she don't know
She's one of many lies
And he don't know How he steals many places
And we all know
We can't fix him if we tried
I would've been the one

Boys will be boys. Thats fine and everything but when do those boys grow up into men? Young Money is fucking these niggas heads up. Fuck every girl in the world if you want to and your bound to catch something.

Why has cheating become so acceptable? If you want to fuck around BE SINGLE.
Answer me this.. Why do women fuck with men who are in a relationship? <---ESPECIALLY if you know it!! Is it cute? Is it classy? Is it really ladylike? Is it acceptable? (ANSWER= NO NO NO AND HELL NO)

Ladies yall gotta stop taking these niggas back. Yeah you THINK you love him, but would he really cheat if he LOVED YOU? Fuck that temptation hooblah.. we have can fall into it IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF. Fellas all i can say is DONT BE SURPRISED if she finds a boyfriend #2 because shes dumb enough to stay with you. And if you do get caught and shes keeps you DONT ACT ALL INSECURE.
I told you previously mothafuckas was gonna start getting killed out here.. fucking around.
Don't get McNair'd.

-Just saying

When Cheating goes wrong

By now i'm sure you all have heard the disturbing news about former Tennessee Titan Steve Mcnairs passing. If not read the story here


Photo below Mcnairs mistress Sahel Kazemi

A couple of days before the deaths Sahel had been stopped by police and charged with a DUI.
Sahel also confessed to her friend that, "her life was spinning out of control." Interviews with friends revealed that she was making payments on two cars, her rent was doubling and she suspected the married McNair was having a second affair with another young woman.

Supposedly she believed McNair was divorcing his wife and planning to move her in because she was selling ALL of her furniture on Craigslist.
No one truly knows why Sahel killed McNair and took her own life but all I can say is this is a WAKE UP CALL to cheating spouses all over the world. You never know what someone is capable of doing, When you "lead" people on someone always gets hurt.
She told a friend on Friday that, "My life is a ball of s--- and I should end it," Never take someone cry for help lightly.

911 call listen hear

PS -I feel terrible for McNairs wife Mechelle and kids. She had no idea he was cheating on her. This is a horrible way to find out. No one wants to be cheated on better yet have to bury their spouse over some bullshit. I know so many thoughts and feelings are running their her mind. I would be numb. My prayers go out to Mechelle and the rest of the McNair family.

We were never meant to be baby we just happened

“When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?” Carrie Bradshaw

His smile. His soft kisses. His touch. The way he held me. His smell. His locs. His smooth skin. His accent. His hustle. His laid back persona. His sarcastic ass remarks. His goofy laugh. His intelligence. Him needing me.. me needing him. I miss his being. damn it haunts me.

I've convinced myself it was only lust. I just wish i could FREE my mind. I've moved on but no one compares to him.

We [Free & I] talked on the phone recently. Yes were friends =)
I "have a boyfriend" so i have no business thinking of him like i do still.
He talked about some chick he was fucking and i was like whoa whoa whoa buddy dont care. He's like well i thought it was coo since were friends and all.


Im friends with most ex boyfriends.. but hes different. Those scars have not yet healed. Its like scraping your knee.. it heals but i pick at it from time to time.
The mark is still there.. I can see it.. but i keep messing with the same sore.. until it bleeds and i learn my lesson again.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

DOUBLE STANDARDS

Theres some hoes in this house

Technically.. if your sexually active and have had more than one sex partner.. please believe someone can/ have/ or will call you a hoe. Some people do it out of pure ignorance

wdf is a hoe anyways

no names mentioned. a girl i know has sex with nuuuuuuumerous guys. she said. hey i like sex and i like having sex with different people. i get an adernaline rush when its with someone new... new or old partner i always protect myself.
shes comfortable with her sexuality.. why call her a hoe.

sex is just sex... right???
i mean yeah u can get all bibilical but how many of us really waited until we were married like we were supposed to. so lets throw that out the window.

i dont think u have to be in love, or a relationship to have sex with someone.
no strings attached is the best.. in my opinion. yes feelings can generate but if its a mutual agreement from jump then no feelings can get hurt

i still cant grasp why its coo for niggas to fuck everybody and their grandma's neighbor but we cant.

a bunch of nothin

yall im sooo sorry. i really have no time what-so-eva to blog.
forgive me

sooo heres an update of my life

job.. have one. thats good. hate it. thats bad real bad michael jackson
im looking for something else tho. i hate the hoes i work with

looking for a new whip. i want a suv. but its in gods hands. ill be thankful for whatever he blesses me with

relationship... i gotta lotta that. im good in that department. although my "he" pissed me off. im good.

still no babies so everythings gravy.

random im listening to the nicki minaj remix of go hard. its goes hard. fareal.
download here

im trying to have a safe summer. so many people have being dying. i dont get it. no one understands death. but everyone should be grateful of life.. because when its our time to go we have no control over it.

oh and i died my hair. red chunky streaks. im in love with it
i did it last spring 07

me in the middle

this time its not as bold



i been clubbing non stop. last week. i went out EVERY NIGHT SUM, MON, TUES, WED SKIP THURS FRI AND SAT. im worn theeee hell out. but im living life up.

well thats my life.
until next time

oh PS. KANYE IS OFFICIALLY GOING ON TOUR. YESSSSSSSSSSSS IM TOOOOOO EXCITED =]
--ill keep ya posted.

later

Girlfriend number 2?

This post was inspired from my homeboy Velle He asked.. "does any female have a problem being 'girlfriend number 2'?" So i answered it for you hoes.. Yes.. Females have a problem. Personally I dont, but thats only because i act real niggerish. But Females are too damn emotional to be on the sideline. At first they will be coo acting like its nothing but if yall fucking around for awhile feelings will appear eventually. Although u get all the perks as if your his "main chick" The reality is your NOT and never WILL BE. SoOoo hell naw no gf's number two. And Pleasure P got all yall niggas running around fucking other niggas bitches thinkin the shit is coo. Alot of mofos are gonna get shot this summer.. thats all i can say. And bitches if do have a boyfriend number two lets protect ourselves. Wrap that shit up.. dont let bf number two burn ur ass .. then bf number 1 get it and fuck around and kill your ass too. I mean everyone cheats or has cheated -- dont get me wrong, but dont go around searching for titles "girlfriends, boyfriends" to boost your ego. when in the long run your not ready for commitment.

Everyone Plays Em

Remember the Backstreet Boys Song, "Quit Playing Games With My Heart" ???
if not refresh yourself & listen here Anywho so thats how im feeling right about now. Im soooooooooooo sick of the games. We all say, "i'm not with the games" but then again we ALLLL play them. Example:
the rule before calling a person the first time
playing phone tag on purpose
playing hard to get
acting like u dont want to have sex knowing u do
acting like ur not sprung when u are..
getting a text from a person that u CLEARLY know who it is ..yet u text back "who is this" just to be difficult
erasing (he/she's) number out your phone so u wont be tempted to call since they made u mad..
GAMES GAMES GAMES GAAAAMES AND the list can go on for days

Were all guilty somehow.
I know I can play some of them from time to time. but its sucks when im serious and tired of the run around. sometimes i need a straight forward get to the point type of guy. (which are so hard to find btw) This guy has been getting on my laaaaaast nerve lately. He's playing some tick for tac type of shit which is so uncooool and childish. he texted me trying to see me. heres the convo word from word

KG: Is like 7:30 or 8 ok?
Me (at 5:16pm) yeah thats coo
Me (at 8:45) Niggas be prankin smh
KG: lol...im not prankin i swear.. was watchin playoffs (so was i btw) .. y u gotta be so ugh! (wdf is ughhh??) where u at?
*note everything in parenthesis is what i was thinking ^^^^
Me: im done playing with u. So its coo
KG:No u not done wit me
Me: Okkkay im not. lol
KG: Im serious
Me: Me too
KG: Now im confused.. u r done or u aren't
Me: nigga its pointless. Were obviously never going to see each other. So why continue to play around. im done.
KG: Yes we are.. i take blame but u forgot about me for a loooong time and finally u wanna see me... but i'm not playin or nothing swear
Me: Ur clearly on one my dude
KG: can u stop actin like that!!!
Me: how am i actin? REAL? im not with the games. So whatever
KG: ur being mean when u seriously know i wanna fuck wit u.. im not playin games and i'm glad ur not either so i dont want it to b like this

i didnt say shit back.. wdf? first u play me.. stand me up.. then act like a bitch and beg me to talk to u. ummmmm naw im good.. im damn near 22 and hes damn near 24.. im coo off the games. its a whirlpool of getting nowhere. i know yall feel me. And how the hell was i being mean?? stupid mofo's..

Cry for Help

Twitterworld went bananas tonight over these "leaked" pictures of Cassie.


At 2:17 am she tried to redeem herself by saying, "
cassieventura IT SEEMS THAT SOMEONE HAS HACKED INTO MY COMPUTER...THAT'S REAL FOUL AND EVIL. NOW STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN A TITTY BEFORE. "

I feel her. its not that deep not at all. im not posting the nude pictures. yall can see enough above. but damn its crazy mofos are going crazy.

i think its an attention stunt. diddy probably made her ass do it. lmao its crazy how much power niggas can have over u when ur in LUST.
FIRST THE HAIR

AND NOW THIS FOOLISHNESS

..the life of an unofficial girl

read the rest of the story here

sticky situation.

Okay so its the guy who likes me and i USED to work with him. Im NOT one for co-workers dating. i think its a mess waiting to happen. i've done it before and it was nothing but drama. ..anywho i always thought this guy was cute but never said anything to him for that manner.. plus i dont approach guys first.. i kept to myself when i worked at sprint because it was hater central in that place. We found out our call center was closing and he started speaking towards the end of it all. So we exchanged contact and have been talking via text & calls every since then. So i did some investigating and dude has a girlfriend. He's 23 and has been messing with chick since he was 18. Yeah thats a looooooong ass time. he NEVER said anything about oh girl. Yeah i shoulda asked but we were talking about relationships and he was like ..yeah i gotta wife u up.. some bull. so it led me to believe dude was single. WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! Okay so now that i know i've been real reserved. I havent really said anything to him about the situation because im waiting on him to confess. Honestly i really dont care (deep down) i never care about people feelings. but im trying too. apart of me knows i would be shitty if my boyfriend was doing all this. Especially since he's all like lets go out to dinner, movies or something.. for what? Dude text and calls me all throughout the day. so im like.. what kind of girlfriend do u have??? so i really dont know what to do. im not trying to go with the dude.. not at all. im good in that area. but talking to ppl is fun. i normally dont care about girlfriends but since im getting older (almost 22) i think its time to mature and realize karma will soon bite me in the ass. So what should i do?

keep talking/ flirting and just have fun
tell him i know
leave him alone??

hmmmm idk

30 second venting post.

ugh so 'Dallas Austin" gets on my nerves.
*not the real dallas austin btw.*
its sad that the only way u can get me to see u is when i wanna smoke with you.
ugh ur lame as shit. askin my girl how much she pays for rent. my dude thats lame.
u mumble when u talk. u breath hard when u talk like ur fat and want a hostess snack.
you stare at me like im sex on the platter.. disgusting
the compliments are annoying.

ugh yeah im annoyed right now.
dont even wanna smoke his weed.

im coooooo. thanks alot Ashley Ashley.

and the same for Wayne.. he calls my bestfriend too ..on some lets smoke. cuz i wont answer my phone or spend time with him. but ill smoke ur shit. believe that.

.... god send me someone i actually like.. please.

It was all a dream.

i never had a dream that felt so real. He was in it. i woke up smiling. =)
were friends. im happy. but i miss him. ...slowly moving on

Your lips keep moving but all i hear is blah blah blah

I woke up on my bathroom floor. Not a good look. My dad was like Amber whats wrong with you. I know he thinks im pregnant. (im not!!!) Minutes prior i was throwing up my lungs while holding on the wall and sink in my bathroom. He had dropped me off at 8am. Im not a morning person and never will be. My head was pounding. He's talking about some damn sausages. i DONT eat pork.. i rudely told him. I woke up to him holding me. I hate that. I think i should of been born a guy. Im the most unaffectionate girl you will ever meet. (minus my unaffectionate ass bestfriends)I saw the goose bottle empty laying on the table. Condom wrapper laying next to my clothes that were scattered across the floor. WDF? I didnt remember shit. He picked me up from my house around 10pm. He got me card. I remember laughing. It was cute.. i cant remember a guy ever just giving me a card for no reason. We went downtown to the bars. We went to 5 of them. Non stop drinking, kissing and laughing. We went to this bar called The Tiki Bob and he buys $10.00 shots of death. . I never had it but he insisted i tried it. Im no punk so i'll try anything once. The bartender couldnt believe we really wanted "this shit" his exact words. He gave us 6 chasers and watched us. I said are you about to watch me drink this? He said, "hell yeah i cant believe your about to drink it." (so now im nervous) Took the shot and screamed. Yeah i screamed in the bar. Great way to get all eyes on me. After going to the restroom to pee for the 8th time, we FINALLY left. We went to a couple more bars and proceeded to my hangout spot --->"Broadripple" (where its nothing but drunk cops, drunk white people, cheap drinks and $5.00 bars) I love it. So we drive there and its a ghost town. Well hell it was only midnight. I tell him i wanna go home and i wake up, annoyed with him "holding" me. I ended my one year celibacy. [bitter/sweet]
That was my Friday.

*I tried to do that whole Alicia Keys (like u never see me again type thing) Sorry if your confused.*

So i think i'm done drinking for awhile. I cant recall having a hangover this bad. Ive only felt this way once before (Ashleys 20th b.day) but i drunk damn near a bottle of goose. but i didnt throw up. Im saying no to drugs (weed) and alcohol for awhile. I hate the morning after!

How could you be so heartless

"I met him in march. We made love by May By June we were here to stay, I thank you August for your grace. It's just too bad October didn't do the same. And I sure wish we made it by Valentine's day" -Solange.

I made a vlog today with my bff Ash And it wouldn't post. I tried like 3 times. So guess it wasn't meant to be. =/
So I HATE VALENTINES DAY! Yup i said it. I'm anti-valentines day! It sounds deep but its very true. In my opinion its one of the worse holidays ever created.. seriously. This holiday is to single out the single people. I'm single. Usually i don't have a problem with being so. BUT DAMN. Great way to single me out. Like blah. Thanks for making us single people feel ashamed to be single. We gotta hide out while the "lovers" are parading around the city. It wouldn't even be that bad if it wasn't on a weekend. Like fareal what am i supposed to do? I have no choice but to stay in and watch movies. It will only make me feel better right? ..WRONG! Its depressing. I'm not bitter. Swear I'm not. I'm all for love.. if its real. But I think its pointless. The flowers, candy, teddy bears, jewelery, corny cards and balloons... so annoying. If you love me then why just show it one day a year. All of this should happen anyways. Flowers - die. I think its a horrible representation of affection. Yeah they are pretty.. but they die. Flowers are for funerals and to say I'm sorry.. not i love you. Candy- I don't like it..so it doesn't matter. Teddy bears- I'm not 6. Cards - i hate them. I always personalize it. Those aren't your words. Its not genuine. And "eff that" its the thought that counts mess. Ashley said, "Why don't we see any Valentines cards for single people?" Very true. This holiday is so overrated in my opinion. But if I'm ever with someone around this time of the year there will be no mushy p.d.a shit. Did i ever mention i hate PDA? Well now you know. Its so extra to me. But if you are celebrating V-tines day I hope your doing something unique and with creativity behind it. No movies & dinner.. How cliche? The only good part is knowing your having sex at the end of it all.

Well i will be chilling with my new friend "Nuvo", doing the single ladies dance and watching Love Jones drunk while thinking about Free.

Should of listened the first time when Eve told me that love was blind

So Free called me yesterday, Twice actually. And he texted me. I was at work so i couldn't answer or respond. I told him what time i got off. But once i was off. I played a personal tug-of-war with myself on rather i should reply. I told myself, Self "this year you cant deal with him" I've been going semi-strong. I really don't think about him unless someone else brings him up, or someone tells a story that i can relate to. But any who I didn't call him or text him back so kudos to me. (This is how i feel about him. Its an old poem i wrote when i was pissed.)

I Gotta Get Free
Failed relationships commitment issues.
I need permission for me to love you.
Labels and lies from ex lovers has got you in a frenzy.
said that’s the reason why you cant be with me.
What kind of shit is that?
Got me up stressing smoking all tweets cigarettes.
Lonely souls compatible.
karma recycling on my heart.
Id rather be lovers than strangers
but u’d rather let us stray apart
I used to love him I thought what we had was true
that’s the reason I'm always confused and don’t know what to do
Was he my lover? Technically no.
partners of love making, minds collaborate while challenging each others egos.
Cycles of indecisiveness, Medusa like hearts
Just Heavy
holding on to past failures. Now this is the result
Your peace mentality was enclosed until you met me.
Now your FREE. You said you can't breath when your without me.
don’t talk just listen cuz this is my moment of clarity

Whirlpools of emotions got me fucked up in the mind.
Should of listened the first time when Eve told me that love was blind.
So where do we go. Cuz I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere.
I'm convinced love hates me. I was never a fan of its words.
I knew one day this time would come and my heart would be cursed.
I gave it my all. Patience and my integrity
speaking all these words of pain that’s been heavy on my brain
I wish you could feel it.
See it.
Shit hear it.
I'm telling you. I fell hard although I said I wouldn't
Guess you cant control what destined to be.
..guess I was destined to get hurt and you were destined to cheat.
Needless to say. The history we once shared is now all a waste.
Cuz like Aalyiah I wonder how could the one I gave my heart to just let it break
But my cheeks will be stained from these toxic tears I cried.
You said the last thing you wanted to do was hurt me.
Check mark . task has been complete.
You hurt me soul.
you was my everything man. my personal talib kweli
i gave you everything. now I'm left with nothing.
broken dreams. empty emotions. and questions left unanswered that i have to seek
I'm left with these streaks of confusion stained on my cheeks.
I gotta get free.

LET IT BURN PLAYA!!

SO DID YALL HEAR ABOUT THE CRAZED WOMAN WHO SET HER HUSBANDS D-ICK ON FIRE?? HAHA. WELL LETS NOT CALL HER CRAZY B/C HOW MANY WOMEN SAY, "WHATEVER, IF [INSERT NAME HERE] CHEATS ON ME, I'LL CUT IS BALLS OFF?" WELL CHICK DEFINITELY WASNT KIDDING. EFF THE BLODDY MESS.. SHE BURNT THAT MOTHAEFFA OFF. [PO LIL TINK TINK]
APPARENTLY 44 YR OLD RAJiNi NARAYAN THOUGHT HER HUSBAND SATISH NARAYAN (THEIR AUSTRALIAN)HE WAS CHEATING ON HER. BUT THE CRAZY THING IS SHE DID IT WHY THE POOR GUY WAS SLEEPING. AND HE DIED. ISNT THAT SAD. SHE WAS CHARGED WITH MURDER AND ARSON.
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WHATS THE WORLD COMING TO?