Bright Days, Dark nights

I lost my job. This has been the hardest time of my life emotionally, financially and physically. I have been so depressed lately and I thank my sister and friends for their encouraging words. Alot of people don't know but when I was younger I attempted suicide. I wrote a letter and took a bunch of medication. Nothing happened. I remember crying and feeling like a failure because I couldn't even do that right. I kept my letter as a reminder to never stoop so low. I was going through papers and throwing them away and recently came across it. So many emotions ran through my head and I broke down completely.  As bad as it is, i know it could be worse and I have a lot to be thankful for. I now know that.
 My 18 year old cousin who I'm very close to attempted suicide last Saturday and it broke my heart. I always tried to be there for her but she felt like no one was there for her. I understand though. Sometimes you can have smiling faces all around you and still feel alone. I've been there  too many times. I have learned and grown a solid relationship with God and I know that everything I go through is a life lesson and I will soon see brighter days.

  Alot of people have recently been reaching out to me saying I'm MIA. I guess I was ashamed and embarrassed that I lost my job. I can't do the things I used to with a restriction on cash. No clubs, bottle poppin, splurging on bullshit, taking vacations.. none of that. I build this wall around me and have kept everyone out, when these are the times that I need those people more than ever. I've been feeling lonely alot lately. Those people who I thought had my back no matter what, don't. I guess something as simple as losing my job my eyes to the bullshit around me. Like the old saying goes when your on top everyone is in your face smiling, but when you hit the bottom no one is there.

 That's how I feel. No need for anyones sympathy. I don't need any pitty parties or anyone feeling bad for me. I know it will get better in time. I'm learning the importance of stocks and bonds and managing my money instead of splurging on frivolous things that have no value. I'm only 23 but I swear I have learned alot about myself and those around me. I'm still evolving.

prayer 101

Dear god,
I'm working on becoming a better person. I'm not the perfect daughter, sister, friend or lover. But I'm genuine. The people that I allow to get close to me..I give them my full support and love. I always find myself back to this point of my life where I feel needy, lonely and craving attention from a man that will appreciate my flaws and all. But I have one little request can he please have sense, goals,a job, car, place to reside, morals, artistic (writer, poet, into art, music etc) intelligent and open minded. Oh attractive too. Thats all I ask for. Thx big guy
Sincerely,
Amber

what would you do?

...Hypothetically speaking
You have a really good friend who dated a mutual friend of yours.
They live together and are very much in love. However your friend tells you they are cheating on their significant other with your cousin. Your cousin has no idea your friend is in this "committed" relationship and instantly falls head over heels for your cheating friend. What would you do? Would you tell your cousin? Tell your mutual friend that they are being cheated on or do you just stay out of it?

wide open

Dedicated to him

I was in love with the thought of loving him and vice versa. I knew what we had was as real as u can get. We just suffered through the distance. So fate made a path for us to meet again. This time we had a better understanding of our feelings. I fell in love all over again when our lips greeted each other passionately saying hello without uttering a single sound or word. he just kissed me and for that moment no one and nothing existed. its love, trust no way this is just lust. I'm jonesin. I was wrapped up in the moment. Reality set in, he showed up. Shut me out. 3 days I was there and only saw his face for those 30 minutes-wtf. I'm on my keisha cole. I have to let it go. That was fate letting me see your face just one last time. Ctlr+atl+delete memories now erased

Do you know I cried? As if I got a call from your boy saying u died. No one else can ever love you like I did. This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned in her tears. And ppl wonder why I never let ppl in. I'm guarding my heart like kobe. Never letting anyone close to me. You diss me, then kiss me.. Then express how much u miss me. No more love games I'm through. No more us, no more you.