Money must grow on trees.

I am literally in tears writing this. I feel so used. Today alone my broke ass mama asked me for money, my best friend asked for bill money, my dad asked me for more money after I just gave his ass 65.00 yesterday like what . the . fuck. Can I live? I do not have any kids, yet I feel like I do.

 I get paid and half of my check goes to other people. I hate that I can't tell people that I care about "NO" especially when I know they need it. But I am so fucking frustrated right now. I really hate answering my phone because I always feel like someone is about to ask me for something. If I ignore them they tweet me, "Hey I just called you." Like I can't see that.

I need to go on a people cleanse. No phone. No facebook. No twitter. Nothing. I feel like I can never save because I'm constantly giving. But naturally I am a giver, its in my DNA. If I have it, I give. I feel like I am being selfish if I don't, but I am definitely at a breaking point. Please pray for me and my pockets.

You're not even worth a title.

I was happy. 
Well I thought I was.
I was really growing to like someone. I actually loved him.
I was not "in" love but I loved:
his presence,
his spirit,
his laugh,
his conversation,
hell his scent even left me feeling elated.
I am confused as hell while writing this because I don't know where that feeling went.
His scent now stinks.
His laugh makes my head hurt.
His conversation is dry.
His spirit no longer moves me.
His presence is no longer there.


I felt as if I got the short end of the stick.
Long story short he got mad at me for some unknown reason and the next thing I know he is no longer there.
Our love died. 
Out of no where the calls stopped, and text messages were ignored.
I would get on facebook and he would quickly get off. So being the bawse that I am I just blocked his ass.
I blocked him from facebook, calling me, and my life as a whole.
I feel like I lost my homie-lover-friend.
I guess it's in retaliation for him hurting my feelings. But I had to let go.
I refuse to feel like boo boo the foo. I refuse to feel stupid and constantly wondering what did I do wrong. So this is my Dear John letter. Nothing more to say.

Signed,
 The best thing you never had.

Love Jones.

I have butterflies. Its odd because no one really does it for me these days. I find myself settling just so I wont be just another lonely girl. But he gives me butterflies. When he kisses me I feel like I'm on cloud 9. His touch, his smell, his laugh.. He is what I have been missing.. But this aint no love thang.. we're just kicking it.


Or are we?

Being an adult sucks.

I remember being a kid I couldn't wait to be 21 so I could drive, hang out all night, drive a benz and  live in a deluxe apartment in the sky with my boyfriend. Yup life didn't happen like that at all. 

I'm planning a BIG move. So I have to get my priorities together. As much as I want to splurge on vacations, the club, clothes, shoes, make up, hair, nails, bottles etc. I CAN'T. I have to be grown up Amber and prioritize. This move is something that I've been wanting for THREE years and I'm finally at the point where I'm tired of talking about it. So fugg the bs and what everyone has to say. I'm moving. As much as I love my city, I hate it all the more. I need a change of scenery. I have gotten way too comfortable. Its time to GROW UP.

xoxo