Not So Sincere

Money must grow on trees.

2011-08-16T15:13:00.000-06:00

I am literally in tears writing this. I feel so used. Today alone my broke ass mama asked me for money, my best friend asked for bill money, my dad asked me for more money after I just gave his ass 65.00 yesterday like what . the . fuck. Can I live? I do not have any kids, yet I feel like I do.

I get paid and half of my check goes to other people. I hate that I can't tell people that I care about "NO" especially when I know they need it. But I am so fucking frustrated right now. I really hate answering my phone because I always feel like someone is about to ask me for something. If I ignore them they tweet me, "Hey I just called you." Like I can't see that.

I need to go on a people cleanse. No phone. No facebook. No twitter. Nothing. I feel like I can never save because I'm constantly giving. But naturally I am a giver, its in my DNA. If I have it, I give. I feel like I am being selfish if I don't, but I am definitely at a breaking point. Please pray for me and my pockets.

You're not even worth a title.

2011-08-03T01:28:00.002-06:00

I was happy.
~~Well I thought I was~~.
I was really growing to like someone. I actually ~~loved~~ him.
I was not "in" love but I loved:
his presence,
his spirit,
his laugh,
his conversation,
hell his scent even left me feeling elated.
I am confused as hell while writing this because I don't know where that feeling went.
His scent now stinks.
His laugh makes my head hurt.
His conversation is dry.
His spirit no longer moves me.
His presence is no longer there.

I felt as if I got the short end of the stick.
Long story short he got mad at me for some unknown reason and the next thing I know he is no longer there.
~~Our love died.~~
Out of no where the calls stopped, and text messages were ignored.
I would get on facebook and he would quickly get off. So being the bawse that I am I just blocked his ass.
~~I blocked him from facebook, calling me, and my life as a whole.~~
I feel like I lost my homie-lover-friend.
I guess it's in retaliation for him hurting my feelings. But I had to let go.
I refuse to feel like boo boo the foo. I refuse to feel stupid and constantly wondering what did I do wrong. So this is my Dear John letter. Nothing more to say.

Signed,
The best thing you never had.

Love Jones.

2011-06-13T22:58:00.002-06:00

I have butterflies. Its odd because no one really does it for me these days. I find myself settling just so I wont be just another lonely girl. But he gives me butterflies. When he kisses me I feel like I'm on cloud 9. His touch, his smell, his laugh.. He is what I have been missing.. But this aint no love thang.. we're just kicking it.

Or are we?

Being an adult sucks.

2011-04-15T01:35:00.001-06:00

I remember being a kid I couldn't wait to be 21 so I could drive, hang out all night, drive a benz and live in a deluxe apartment in the sky with my boyfriend. Yup life didn't happen like that at all.

I'm planning a BIG move. So I have to get my priorities together. As much as I want to splurge on vacations, the club, clothes, shoes, make up, hair, nails, bottles etc. I CAN'T. I have to be grown up Amber and prioritize. This move is something that I've been wanting for THREE years and I'm finally at the point where I'm tired of talking about it. So fugg the bs and what everyone has to say. I'm moving. As much as I love my city, I hate it all the more. I need a change of scenery. I have gotten way too comfortable. Its time to GROW UP.

xoxo

Bright Days, Dark nights

2011-03-26T02:43:00.001-06:00

I lost my job. This has been the hardest time of my life emotionally, financially and physically. I have been so depressed lately and I thank my sister and friends for their encouraging words. Alot of people don't know but when I was younger I attempted suicide. I wrote a letter and took a bunch of medication. Nothing happened. I remember crying and feeling like a failure because I couldn't even do that right. I kept my letter as a reminder to never stoop so low. I was going through papers and throwing them away and recently came across it. So many emotions ran through my head and I broke down completely. As bad as it is, i know it could be worse and I have a lot to be thankful for. I now know that.
My 18 year old cousin who I'm very close to attempted suicide last Saturday and it broke my heart. I always tried to be there for her but she felt like no one was there for her. I understand though. Sometimes you can have smiling faces all around you and still feel alone. I've been there too many times. I have learned and grown a solid relationship with God and I know that everything I go through is a life lesson and I will soon see brighter days.

Alot of people have recently been reaching out to me saying I'm MIA. I guess I was ashamed and embarrassed that I lost my job. I can't do the things I used to with a restriction on cash. No clubs, bottle poppin, splurging on bullshit, taking vacations.. none of that. I build this wall around me and have kept everyone out, when these are the times that I need those people more than ever. I've been feeling lonely alot lately. Those people who I thought had my back no matter what, don't. I guess something as simple as losing my job my eyes to the bullshit around me. Like the old saying goes when your on top everyone is in your face smiling, but when you hit the bottom no one is there.

That's how I feel. No need for anyones sympathy. I don't need any pitty parties or anyone feeling bad for me. I know it will get better in time. I'm learning the importance of stocks and bonds and managing my money instead of splurging on frivolous things that have no value. I'm only 23 but I swear I have learned alot about myself and those around me. I'm still evolving.

prayer 101

2010-08-14T12:35:00.000-06:00

Dear god,
I'm working on becoming a better person. I'm not the perfect daughter, sister, friend or lover. But I'm genuine. The people that I allow to get close to me..I give them my full support and love. I always find myself back to this point of my life where I feel needy, lonely and craving attention from a man that will appreciate my flaws and all. But I have one little request can he please have sense, goals,a job, car, place to reside, morals, artistic (writer, poet, into art, music etc) intelligent and open minded. Oh attractive too. Thats all I ask for. Thx big guy
Sincerely,
Amber

what would you do?

2010-08-14T12:34:00.000-06:00

...Hypothetically speaking
You have a really good friend who dated a mutual friend of yours.
They live together and are very much in love. However your friend tells you they are cheating on their significant other with your cousin. Your cousin has no idea your friend is in this "committed" relationship and instantly falls head over heels for your cheating friend. What would you do? Would you tell your cousin? Tell your mutual friend that they are being cheated on or do you just stay out of it?

wide open

2010-06-09T12:28:00.002-06:00

Dedicated to him

I was in love with the thought of loving him and vice versa. I knew what we had was as real as u can get. We just suffered through the distance. So fate made a path for us to meet again. This time we had a better understanding of our feelings. I fell in love all over again when our lips greeted each other passionately saying hello without uttering a single sound or word. he just kissed me and for that moment no one and nothing existed. its love, trust no way this is just lust. I'm jonesin. I was wrapped up in the moment. Reality set in, he showed up. Shut me out. 3 days I was there and only saw his face for those 30 minutes-wtf. I'm on my keisha cole. I have to let it go. That was fate letting me see your face just one last time. Ctlr+atl+delete memories now erased

Do you know I cried? As if I got a call from your boy saying u died. No one else can ever love you like I did. This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned in her tears. And ppl wonder why I never let ppl in. I'm guarding my heart like kobe. Never letting anyone close to me. You diss me, then kiss me.. Then express how much u miss me. No more love games I'm through. No more us, no more you.

everyone cheats.

2010-04-18T18:32:00.000-06:00

EVERYONE CHEATS.

AND NOW YOU KNOW.

antisocial.

2010-04-11T20:35:00.001-06:00

im in my own box.
im a social butterfly thats not sociable.
make sense?
i know people, i go out EVERYDAY, yet i ~~hate~~ people.
[if i dont already know you or you cant help me grow as a person --> u mean nothing]

facebook ---> im so over it. my parents are on it. ~~ctrl + alt +del~~
twitter [ love ] --->@AmberBoogie (for now)
tumblr --> im new to the game.
formspring

well... maybe not antisocial. i just keep to those that i know, those that i love and trust. (which is not many people.)
well follow me. help me ~~break~~ my antisocalism. (made up word)

IS THERE ANY BOYS AROUND WHO KNOW HOW TO MAKE A GIRL FEEL?

2010-04-07T21:34:00.000-06:00

So I'm starting to think something is wrong with me.
(No way right?)
No but seriously. I've been sucked into some delusional mind setting that has me thinking ~~I'm not good enough~~.
(For who is the great question bc idk)
I feel like I've done something so wrong and terrible that is causing karma on my heart. I'm looking for this one guy to mirror Free. Not physically per say but his actions,our interaction, our situation. I just want an understanding not necessarily a bf.
Its seems redundant when I tell guys that's all I want. Its like there trying to shove both their penises and a relationship down my throat and its not going to happen.

Just be my ~~fucking~~ friend. Get to know me. I'm fucking cool and amazing I wouldn't lie to you, I swear.

If I'm not sexually attracted to you, I won't have sex with u.
If I'm not physically attracted to u, I won't like you.
If I'm not mentally attracted to you we can't have a conversation and your fineness and coolness is pointless.

Simple as that. I just want a guy in my life that's my friend (I can hangout, talk with, laugh with and chill with and has the booty benefit.) Tis all. Why is it so hard? Am I that damn demanding?
Just fuck me and treat me right DAMNIT.

aprils for the fools

2010-04-02T15:52:00.000-06:00

"Hypothetically speaking" Would you talk to a married man/woman? Well I guess its not necessary "talk" just mess around with them. .
Like what if they never tell you they're married but you KNOW they are. What would you do?
I'm just curious what you guys think. Not judging anyone
Hit or miss?

i can't sleep

2010-03-16T01:18:00.003-06:00

Have you ever felt alone? Well not really alone physically people are there. Emotionally people do love you. Physically people show their affection but mentally your alone.
No one understands you? yeah me either. Lol

No but seriously I have random thoughts, I'm going to share.

"The ones that smile in your face are the ones you have to look out for"
Fake ppl stab you in the back, real friends stab you in the front"
Swallow your pride, sometimes the results are amazing
I hate chipped nail polish
I love you is 8 letters that are misused and abuse.
I say don't judge me 500 times a day
Writing and music are the only things that keeps me sane
I miss alabama
I used to love x-men, the power rangers and spider man (I was such a little boy)
I hate shaking ppls hands
Paper rock scissors
J cole is going to murk drake when his shit drops
The only reason I like wocka flocka is because he looks like carmelo
I've been blogging for 2 yrs!
I love sheena, vell, kings momma, crecks, michelle and kb (my blog fam)
I shop too much.
I don't trust too many ppl
I expect the worst from ppl
You ever notice you find the word hurt in truth, that's why it hurts
I'm tired of all of the young money artist
"If you love.. Love from the bottom of your heart. If you trust, have faith and believe. If you smile show the world your soul"

going in circles

2010-03-03T23:28:00.000-06:00

You got me going in circles
Oh, around and around I go
its mixed signals in my head
you neva give me straight facts

My head is dizzy. I'm confused. He called.
I answered. ughhh why did i have to answer, but i did.
i miss you. That was the first 3 words he said.
noooo dont do this to me. not again. i cant go back there.
he had me weak.. im too strong. i cant.
sooo....
i took control of the call. Then he texted me. i really do miss you.
"where is this coming from all of a sudden?" we are 34567890 miles apart. theres no point of telling me. keep it to yourself. i cant keep going through these whirlpools of emotions, it hurts too bad. i do miss him though, but i cant do it, not again.

Then... i go to the club. my ex was there. i havent seen him in 3 years. i was nervous, confused.. all that. he was all in my face talking about he misses me too. i was waiting for ashton to pop out saying, "you just got punked." i was toooo convinced. But i was tipsy so i let him attempt to run game. i needed the ego boost.

but im tired.
this sucks..
ugh.

..to be or not to be

2010-02-24T00:39:00.006-06:00

"I'm living the single life"

So today at work my co-workers (which are all 30+) were discussing marriage. i told them marriage seems like a fairy tale, something i think all people want but few obtain. i honestly don't see myself getting married. they started drilling me with questions and comments like:
"you're just a baby Amber"
"you've probably never been in love"
"when the right one comes you will feel different"
"stop thinking like that"
I honestly cant see myself with one person for the rest of my life. That seems crazy. I don't want to just put up with someone to keep a family (btw i don't want kids) or to be accepted in America's eyes; that's bs. And I'm tired of hearing you'll change when you find that one. WHAT/WHO THE FUCK IS THAT ONE? There are so many divorces in America; I'm not sure if anyone knows who that "one" is.
I'm old enough to know what love is. I've been in love before. as much as i loved it, it broke me (and i don't want to go back to that place)

Love doesn't happen to everyone so if you experience it consider yourself lucky.
i am way to set in my ways, I'm too mean and i get irritated too fast. i am the type of gal who expects nothing from relationships because i expect the worst from guys.
That's so awful isn't it? But i have so many guy friends and my brothers have put me up "on game" so i can read between the lies.. you cant fool me

I'm a pessimist but it keeps me grounded, instead of a fantasy world that most try to pretend to be in. With that said, if I'm the one who can determine my happiness? Why can't i be happy single???
NOTE that does NOT mean being alone. no one wants to be alone but why do i have to be married to be happy?
(don't give me the biblical hooha either)

spaceships

2010-02-24T00:21:00.003-06:00

SPACESHIPS 2009
by yours truly

My Head is to the sky waiting on them spaceships to pass by.
Spending a buck fifty on material things just so I can look fly.
Crowded room but he’s the only one I perceive.
Nappy hair twisted up.. Feeling his vibe -- apparently.

Grinning lips.. Happily awaiting a pristine start.
My premature hearts open again.
When it was just ripped apart
I’m in a trance his tone has got me zoning.
I listen with ease.
Feeling like Hannibal cus my ears eat up his words like a disease.

It seems like I fall more that I stand.
My hearts been beaten up yet I dive back in all over again
The jealousy the good, bad and the lies.
I want every part as long as its him by my side.
I’m ungrateful but I try to stay faithful through it all.
My wondering eyes are going to be the death of me.
Since my heart keeps catching all my falls.

"Mama always told me to be careful who i love AND Daddy always told me to make sure he's right."
So I play games and act like I don’t like him just to see if I’m worth the fight.
Afraid of being hurt. We all are.
But when I think my hearts durable its still sore.

I put my girls before you cus I know they will still be there.
I Did it so much he left.. thought i didn't care.
Said I was childish but I say I was being safe.
So I live with no regrets cus the past is the past.
but with each new face its like the same script different cast.

Time persistently ticking..
my mind is never latent..
..Physically missing his being.
I long for him once more.
But i Gotta keep it pushing & stay on track.
Like Linkin Park i'm by myself & i can't look back
ipod blasting next lifetime by Badu
realizing my self worth instead of settling to be with u

two fingers up
shades on my eyes..
looking at the sky..
waiting on one of them spaceships to arrive

(other news I'm competing in the poetry slam next month I'm excitednevousanxious so wish me luck b!tches)

..thats my attitude

2010-02-24T00:09:00.002-06:00

My goal for 2010 was to be a better person and work on my attitude..
my attitude sucks btw.. But i don't like holding things back especially if its the truth. Some ppl need to really hear it.. and I'm there to tell them.
So its not really a bad thing.. Plus i was raised to speak my mind. I'm one of the few people who acts completely the same in front of friends and my parents.. they know how i talk.. and i talk shit to them (parents) minus to profanity.
I think people need to work on their sensitive ass emotions and learn to accept the truth. AND STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING/SOMEBODY that your not! (that really grinds my gears)
So do i need to change my ways?? No. I'm not changing shit. Either you love me or hate me.. I can careless.. I've never lived to please anyone but myself.. you can call it selfish if you want..idc

"I'm not changing my brand that's my money maker"

No prince.. just frogs

2010-02-19T22:13:00.003-06:00

Are there any good men left?
I'm suing Disney for lying to me and making me believe that some prince charming would come out of no where and sweep me off my feet. because it has failed to happen

not that I'm looking for him too

I'm just bored recylcling the same guys in my life. i don't need a real commitment just an understanding. i barely have time for myself.. i cant see a boyfriend in the mix anytime soon.. but a new little dip would be lovely.

that's why i need to move out of Indianapolis..
the only guys here are convicts, local rappers, party promoters, lame Greek's that wear their Greek paraphernalia everywhere even in the shower or they have 173463853 kids.

no good guys here.

friends or hoes

2010-02-06T21:11:00.004-06:00

what happened to those childhood best friends that were supposed to be there forever. They were to know you best, have your best interest at heart and never portray you or sleep with your boyfriend? I guess that's a fairytale..

i have selfish, self centered friends who you have to drown with alcohol to actually go out and have fun with.

i really feel like i just "deal with my current friends because I'm too lazy, mean and antisocial to meet new ones. so i accept the bs. don't get me wrong 3 of my friends have my back and will help me out if i need them.. well let me take that back. one friend would. the other.. she plays tic for tack so if shes not benefiting from it.. she honestly doesn't care. and the other.. were so on and off.. I'm confused if were dating or just friends (like i signed up for)

the others.. are faker than coach purses at the beauty shop.
i love them and care for them but those hoes work my nerves and I'm tired of the "Fake" smiles and having to play catch up every month..

so i give up.
I'm not writing this out of anger.. I'm keeping it real.
I'm 22. no kids.. no real responsibilities (I'm going to live it up) if you cant catch up you will get left behind.
my cousins have been trying to get close again.. and honestly i would rather deal with their bs (since they are family) then these plastic barbie bitches that are my "friends" i think I'm a great friend and i will give you my last if you need it.. but i don't feel like i would get the same in return. so why keep fronting? my sister used to warn me that everyone is not my friend.. as Ive gotten older.. i can clearly see it.

ahhhh real monsters!!!

2010-01-20T21:53:00.006-06:00

My mama used to always say that hate is a strong word and i shouldn't say it, especially when i direct towards a person.. BUT I FREAKING HATE KIDS!!!

let me explain.

babies are cute and they smell good (baby lotion) and i love holding them until they cry. then its back to there mamas they go. **so they dont count**

Its the whining toddlers on up that i cant stand. The sticky finger, snotty nose, coughing in your face, Koolaid stained lips and McDonald's begging children. i honestly don't think babies are for me. i don't have the patience or energy for the little monsters. I really don't want kids and i think pregnancy is absolutely disgusting. (its nothing cute about it)

..back to the aliens ---> They just run for no reason and most parents just let them. they touch everything in sight, they pick their booger filled crusty noses then proceed to touch you and your belongings (FYI that shit isn't cute/adorable/ or an awww moment; its disgusting) And when i proceed to say something to the parents they want to look at me dumbfounded, or giggle saying
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know." Bitch watch your monster then. Parents need to take control and stop letting them run all over y'all and everyone else. I don't have them, don't want them and don't need them to be terrorizing me because you cant control them. I will put your child in the meanest head lock in 2.5 seconds (trust me)

I cant even say its a race thing, because its just as many booger nosed black kids who wanna touch my blackberry just as they re are white kids coughing in my face. Or put my phone, necklace, hell my car keys in their germ infested mouths.. now I'm stuck with a slobbery (phone, necklace, car keys) Its not like i don't try to take it from them, when i do they cry and i hate crying! (i used to work at a day care, btw) Parents you need to work with your children and help them understand manners and right from wrong. Honestly alot of children are clueless when it comes to simple things like saying, "Excuse me" and/or "thank you".

As a child my mama didn't let us speak in public, unless we were being spoken too. We didn't ask for shit, didn't touch shit.. just didn't do shit. That's how all kids should be. So parents if your infested children are left with me.. I will trip, scare, lock them in a closet, or push them down.. harsh? nope. i just don't like kids.

Where are all the MEN, NOT LITTLE BOYS!?!?!?!

2010-01-19T23:13:00.005-06:00

Is the black men becoming extinct? Is he something so rare you must read about him in history books or go visit his skeleton in the museums? Do I have to see his pictures in old photos that my great grandma has in a dusty photo album? I'm not talking about a little BOY. they are everywhere! ...in our streets, clubs, GAS STATIONS, corners, trap houses, colleges, and workplaces. Many women are easily confused by the foggy image that a "boy" portrays, since he mocks what he thinks a "MAN" is. Women are simply blinded with the other tainted images that we may believe a man could be. Can i find a man without being confused on if he is looking at me or my gay cousin Royce. A man that loves his race, hertiage and culture and not once had to seek for a woman in a
"different area code" (if you know what i mean?) One without a basketball team full of his own little soldiers with 5 different loud mouth assistant coaches assisting his every move. I'm talking about a MAN. A black strong, god fearing, family first, mannerism, intellectual, handyman. A MAN that can change a flat tire, and a light bulb, without me having to run to my daddy every time something goes wrong. A mature yet still has a sense of humor man who is educated, and can hold an intellectual conversation. One who isn't sex hungry and is interested in my brain, rather than me giving him brain. A MAN who doesn't just have a job, but has a career with a salary. A man with a car instead of a flashy ass toy with rims. He has his own apartment, house, condo (doesn't matter as long as he doesn't live with is mama or grandma still) One with morals and goals; someone who is working towards his dreams. A man who needs a woman to grow with instead of belittle, control, disrespect or just impregnate her. Where is my prince charming? The man of my dreams? Do these creatures still exist?? And if so WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?

i've been m.i.a.

2009-12-21T20:49:00.002-06:00

its so hard to keep up with my blog. its alot of the same bs going on in my life and i just feel like i'm nagging so i decide not to blog. i need to think of a way to express myself without coming off like i complain all the time or my life sucks because it doesnt. i'm thankful and greatful for everything.

but i hope you all have a beautiful holiday.. enjoy the laughs and the people you surround yourself with. they might not be here with you next year. so be thankful that they are in your life.

i wish you all happiness and positive energy to focus on your goals. have a great holiday and a even better New year. dont change just evolve into a better you.

love you all

Sincerely, Amber

progression and depression

2009-12-08T22:18:00.002-06:00

im not happy.
but im not sad.
i read some post from a yr ago and it made me sad. its almost like i havent progressed, like im in the same situations. although i've grown so much as a being this yr. not much has changed. i need a change of scenary. im tired of talking about what i wanna do. i NEED to just do it.

everyones calling dibs on 2010 how cliche but i must progess in 010. somethings gotta give. i have a great job, but my stubborn ways and me overthinking has me lonely. im rich in spirit and confidence but broken hearted. i love my friends but trust very few. i want to be happy but my worries frowns my smiles. i want to live but im too busy holding my breath to breathe. i want to be free but too scared to fuck up. i want him to love me but to scared to admit i like him. i want to be successful but too afraid to fail. i want, i need, i fear, i worry, im human. but somethings got to give. i need to live.

2009-11-17T21:09:00.003-06:00

Love is a deadly feeling.
It gives you passion, but jealousy.
It gives you sorrow, but happiness.
It gives you, it makes you, & it breaks you.

this is more than just a silly crush

2009-11-17T20:55:00.006-06:00

so there is a new person stirring in the works

well i lied he's not new.. hes actually someone OLD.. but i still like him and care for him a great deal. oh and he's a cutie pootootie.
only one little BIG problem he has a baby. i cant stand his baby mama. so you feel the drift. his daughter is actually four and i have known him waaaay before the baby came along. but me and the baby mama have never like each other. although he takes care of his daughter to the fullest and cant stand the babymama either shes still there, the kid is still there and the drama will follow.
(BACKGROUND) **we dated in hs briefly i was a virgin not doing anything.. found out he was talkin to other girls. broke up. i got a bf. cheated with him.. messed around for awhile, it didnt goo anywhere, lost contact.**

any who. like i said i really do like him. he's very chill and laid back my type of guy. he's really nice, has his shit together PLUS he gives me butterflies, im nervous around him.. i think before i speak (i'm not mean to him) im vunerable, im open & honest, i like him A LOT!
BUT I'm very selfish and I'm not sure if i can be number 2 in anyones life..
esp. seeing that i don't have any kids. i don't have any doubts or trust issues, i just have a gut feeling I'm going to end of fighting his babymama.
I'm too old for drama and fighting. but my attitude will get the best of me. chick has a mouthpiece on her.
but that's the new .. well reoccurring boo in my life.
i really dont know what to do. i know what im getting myself into. im a pessimist i expect something to go wrong. i expect sadness instead of complete happiness. i do this to myself. am i tripping? should i just ride it out? should i stay or should i go?

Jay Z concert

2009-11-13T19:48:00.006-06:00

Last Thursday my home girl Ashley and I traveled to the University of Illinois to see none of than Mr. Hovie Baby.. (jay z) in concert. it was the best night of my life.

we had great seats. center 8th row.
before the fucking thing started i lost my batteries to my camera and i wanted to cry. luckily ash had hers.

first up. Jcole. i am in LOVE with this man. both looks and lyrically.
when he came to the stage.. it was hardly anyone there. I started screaming when he came out and go up dancing and rapping along with him. he was looking dead at me. i was melting. he's so fine and so talented. i cant wait for his cd.

then wale came out.
attention deficit just dropped last Tuesday so i was very excited to see him live.
he had the crowd super hype.. running out to the stands and dancing with his fans.

up next... n.e.r.d. if u haven't seen them live you MUST. they are so life. hype and full of life. they had everyone hype and jumping up and down. they told girls to come on stage. i guess no one got that memo because me and ashley jetted out and up onto the stage. we danced around for about 3 songs until they kicked us off. pharrell and shay are sooo cute.

then..jay came. if u saw him on the fuse channel 9/11/2009 then u know how great of a show he puts on. it was damn near a replica of that performance. we were screaming to the top of our lungs belching out lyrics from all of his cds. he performed for damn near 2 hrs. he was live as hell. it was the best concert that we have ever been to and i cant wait to see him again in march.

ok so after the show i was in groupie mode to find j.cole. mission FAILED.
BUT we did follow some random black suvs. for a couple of blocks until we realized how crazy we looked.. so we stopped.

ohh yeah and i thought i saw wale so i attacked some random dude who looked like him from the back. nope it wasnt him. sooo funny.

great concert. great time. best night ever.

hello lovers

2009-11-12T05:27:00.002-06:00

my bad. i haven't blogged in a week or two. forgive me?
not much has been going on. i was in terrible need of some …… [since i dont have a bf you fill in the blank] so i've found myself real bitchie, moody & h-rny. but ya girl got some. so im greeeat.

oh today is going to be amazing. NOT ONLY am i about to see my future husband.. babydaddy JERMAINE "J-COLE" COLE but im about to see wale, N.E.R.D. (I heart them) And none other than SEAN CARTER, JAY Z, JAY, HOV, HOVA, HOVIE BAAAABY. IM GEEEEEEEEEKED. cant wait. anxious, nervous, excited, happy.. every freaking feeling is going through my body. when i see j.cole im going to die, when i see jay i will die again.

anywho my homie and i will be roadtripping to the university of illinois later today to see them. joy.
pictures, video, "groupie stories" coming soon.

i will be updating every second via twitter.
www.twitter.com/anotheramber

ttyl.
love you all.
besos

fallin in love aint shit.

2009-10-29T17:56:00.002-06:00

You all know i'm a twitter junky. Fabolous tweeted, "Fallin in love is a gift & a curse.." I so agree. so this is what the post is based off of.

Lately I've been TRYING my hardest to open up and be nicer. I do know I push people away because I don't want anyone to get close to me and hurt me. So my mechanism is to push ppl away. Remember when Omarion made that song icebox? "I gotta icebox where my heart used to be" Yup thats me.
my motto not to expect shit from people so I wont be surprised when they lie, cheat and hurt me. might seem coldhearted but it works for me.

read my previous post on my outlook on love. but im not for it. i dont even like saying it.

but if you do fall in love its like be careful. soak up as much as you can because that shit wont last unless your both equally putting in the time for it to work. which 80% of the time isnt true.

its a curse because you simply end up hurt and confused.

as soon as you break up/ call it quits it jumps from I love him/her to I hate that bitch/nigga. So is it really love to begin with or a case of lust.
Alex I'll take lust for 300.

True love is something few ppl experience. If you experience it your lucky and dont take it for granted because its a drought out here.

Standards vs reality

2009-10-20T05:31:00.005-06:00

Is love truly blind? so tainted that you cant see it when its in front of you? I wonder if I'm passing up potentials because I'm waiting on this perfect guy to knock me off my feet? Am i lying to myself? is it wrong to have standards so high that i know 98% of the guys I'm in contact with will never meet? am i setting myself up for failure and a life of loneliness and what ifs? i was told (by a guy who likes me) I'm cold and i keep pushing him away. don't get me wrong. i like his company but i cant see myself being in a relationship with him. he really tries and does all the right things but he's just not good enough to be in a committed relationship with. Hell commitment scares the crap out of me. he asked am i running from happiness ( i got smart & sarcastic) but the truth is yes. being completely happy scares me, I'm so used to BS that its all i expect. watching sex in the city, the game,gossip girl, desperate housewives & whatever else i choose to kill my brain cells with DOES NOT HELP. its like everywhere i turn its love. pda, love songs... its everywhere and its no escaping it. I'm second guessing my choices, and i hate when this happens. in order to find true happiness does it mean i need to love?

Barbie Bitches.

2009-10-18T20:41:00.003-06:00

All these little girls are running around with insecurities from body images to identity issues. Nicki Minaj has these little girls calling themselves barbies. Just making sure you realize barbies are plastic = fake. So how can you be real when your parading around the town with fake hair, fake nails, & fake eyelashes. You carry fake designer bags, wear fake designer shoes and clothes, fake Chanel earrings to go along with your fake attitude & fake ass smile. Being real is a fable, something people strive for but fail to wear the crown. It seems so unreal these days. People are so consumed with "trying" to be something they're not, that they lose themselves in the process. I'm not going to lie, I can be fake as hell. I don't like 85% of the people that I converse with, so yes i can be fake. (i'm antisocial) but i'm real enought to admit it.

we are just f#cking!

2009-10-16T05:52:00.007-06:00

Girl you REALLY think he's going to be with you and you fucked before getting to know each other? I've drilled that into my head over the yrs. fuck first = no relationship... then i grew up.
sex is sex.
male & FEMALES alike both think about sex all the time. Its apart of our lifestyles. (ex: music, tv, pda) 9 times out of 10 you wouldn't bother giving your # to someone that you wouldn't fuck, or see yourself being with, right? Ladies don't flake out on me, we all have said, "he can get it" at one point in time. Don't get me wrong i'm not & never have been "loose", but i'm simply human and real enough to admit sex is just sex. its a sensation we all long for. if your a virgin (sucks to be you) lol no seriously if you are congrats, its a beautiful thing to save yourself but chile your missing out. lol. if your celibate and trying to be a born again virgin, i feel your pain. i've had my share of drought. I've gone 9 LOOONG months straight without the "D". but when your getting "it" on a regular your just so much happier. (back on subject)

sex buddies--> is it possible to be such friends without feelings being hurt? yes. personally i have been in the situation a few times. my opinion is you have to let the situation be known. yes you might like each other, hence the sexual attraction but "thinking" your in love isn't neccessary if you have a mutual and honest understanding. Many girls seek love from sex, which is all types of WRONG WRONG WRONG. you will confuse yourself, and end up alone left fucking your dildo. So many girls become too attached and the"what are we" questions start pouring out their mouths way too soon. if your a guy asking a girl this question, your soft as shit and you need to man the fuck up.
But if you have to ask what are we, you aint shit. your insecure and you need to find yourself before trying to jump into something that your unsure of.
remember (most of you) are not in highschool anymore so jumping into relationships isn't cool anymore. if you want someone to take you serious take the time and get to know them. make sure your on the same page and are both willing to put in the EFFORT for the same type of relationship. (example if he's looking for something serious and your still weighing your options why confuse and complicate your situation with a title if your both not eye to eye?)

Ladies if you want him to take you serious stop letting him disrespect you. calls after midnight = booty call time. stop fooling yourself boo boo.
if he really wanted to see you or "spend time" with you he could have made plans earlier or skipped out on going to the club.
now if your just fucking, go ahead and answer, hell dont be afraid to make your own late night calls. just remember no matter how real & honest you are being, your playing a game. we have the power of the pu$$y so play the game right & keep the ball in your court.

step your cookies up (don't be a loose goose) and give your cookies to whoever has milk. And wrap them cookies up chile, these diseases are no joke. and its too many members in the babymama club. have fun but be wise & smart.
sincerely,
amber shawty

dear future husband

2009-10-12T17:56:00.004-06:00

Dear babydaddy aka J.Cole,

you are simply a breath of fresh air. You got me losing my balance. Not only are you a lyrical genius but you can get it boo boo. I usually dont do this, but your words have left me parched. so marry me before you get all the boppers. we can "turn off the lights" and make all kinds of love intellectually, amongst other thangs. (kanye shrug) i'm just saying..
no but seriously he's the shit. hands down.
sincerely,
amber

Just when i thought cupid was dead

2009-10-11T20:37:00.001-06:00

so i've been tweeting mad corny jonesin and cakin love type of shit.. reason behind that is..
i'm in complete lust. not quite l-ve but close to it.
suspect: Lee
known for: 8 looong yrs
seeds: 1 daughter
babymama:hate her
gives me: butterflies.
i've been in strong like with this guy from the moment i saw him, he hasn't changed a bit. i did see him last summer once or twice but he was living in Pheonix and was just here visiting. we caught up but nothing happened. besides the kid situation and me HATING his babymama we're good as gold. lol but this aint no l-ve thang, i just got my "winter" boo-thang to get all cozy with. major jonesin. feel me?

if u know me i hate meeting new guys. the stupid ass questions kill me.
ex. "whats your fav color?" who really cares right?
although this pure laziness is something i NEED to get over i'm so content with this person.
we have "you know" previously and it was suppper... i mean damn near the best i ever had. so when i "ran" into him saturday i was ready for round 10, 11 & 12.
didnt happen b/c "bloody mary" decided to pay her monthly visit. but im off now and cant wait to see him this wknd. its going downnnnn.

-oh and i have a date friday (today) with a totally different person.. ::sips pimp juice:: i like having options. im single for a reason.
hope u guys have a grrreat wknd if we all dont die from nasa bombing the moon.

ciao.
sincerely,
amber

(via cell blogging)

Kanye WTH Unc???

2009-10-01T17:18:00.003-06:00

My uncles TOUR is CANCELLED. KANYE WEST'S WEBSITE DIDNT SAY WHY.(ye was on Leno saying he needed a break. okay COOL go to Turks & Caicos and mellow out. Don't cancel unc. ughhh. BUT THEY ARE REFUNDING ALL MONEY
I AM SOOOOO HURT. I WANT TO CRY.

*******update******
Lady Gaga is still touring (i like her just needed Ye in my life)
found out my booski Kid Cudi is opening. so i can smile again. gotta get my damn ticket!

Girl is that your hair? (Part 1.)

2009-09-29T22:08:00.012-06:00

(Pretty Ugly)
by Amber

take off your cover girl
masks of foundation
bare the real you.

show me your roots girl
way before the tracks and glue
reveal your heritage. coarse and strong
bare the real you girl, I wanna see you.

grab me tight girl
hands of acrylic and paint
underneath your brittle and weak
and ready to break

I'll protect you girl
look at me for the truth.
i hang high but i will not lie.
look in the mirror. I'm a reflection of you.

Women especially black women have been struggling with hair for ages. From "good hair" meaning naturally straight or curly, without coarse edges and roots, to natural kinky "virgin" hair, braids, relaxed hair, glued tracks, sew-ins, wigs .. it never seems to end. I personally feel like ALL women (not just black) in general are searching for acceptance and beauty by trying to alter their images and their hair.

I grew up in the beauty shop. My mom did hair until I was 19 years old. So I know a great deal about hair care. Although my hair is beyond thick and healthy my hair has been relaxed for 20 years! (*Note I'm 22*) Yes 20. Most people don't believe me. But I was two years old when my mother, the licensed beautician put a perm in my hair. When I asked her why she said my hair was so thick and hard to "tame" so chemically relaxing my hair was the only alternative. I never experienced hot combs (like most of my friends) Hell, I absolutely hated getting my hair done. I always cried when getting my hair washed, because i thought my mom was drowning me. I hated getting my hair combed, because I'm tender headed. I cried having to sit under the dryer, because it was too hot. But my mama didn't give a damn. I will say one thing, as a child my hair was always done, ALWAYS. I would get my ass beat before I would be out in public looking a mess.

I didn't start getting my hair braided until middle school, merely because I played sports and lived with my pops. I got my hair colored for the first time in 8Th grade. Yes 8Th and I've been addicted every since. My natural hair color is a Sandy Red color. My hairs been dark brown, burgundy, honey brown (think beyonce), blonde, red, purple, and jet black. Luckily my hair has never broken off.

I'm at this point in my life where I went to free myself from the stereotypes and judgements from my hair. I want to feel liberated. So I am going natural. I've tried a couple of times but got wrapped into the misconceptions and judgements of others so I relaxed my edges. This is kind of funny because I'm not the type to care what people think of me but at the same time I am attached to my hair. But this time around I'm serious, more knowledgeable and prepared for the criticism.

When most people think of natural hair they think of dreadlocks. Although I think they are beautiful that is not the look I'm going for. I love the curly fro. I think they are soooooo beautiful. I respect girls who have natural hair, it just says they don't have any hair insecurities. Their presence stands out in a room full of 50 girls. Most women with natural hair are more in tuned with their mind and body. I just think it makes you "naturally beautiful" without the stereotypes and negative images from the media.

This is something I have been considering for about 2 years now, and when I turned 22 (Sept 12Th) I told myself this is it. No more relaxers. 20 years is way too long. My sister doesn't agree with me but its not her hair its mine. I might get crazy looks and criticized but like India Arie said, "I Am Not My Hair!"

-ps IF <---- keyword. I ever had a daughter. She will NOT be allowed to get her hair relaxed until she's old enough to get a job to take care of it. I refuse to let my child go through what I have gone through. I will teach her that her hair (whatever texture) and body is beautiful the way it is.

(this is my screensaver. I think this is a beautiful picture and it displays black beauty and love without words.)

"FUCK THE GOT DAMN SHIT!!!!"

2009-09-27T00:40:00.005-06:00

Dear Police,
how i love you. you risk your lives to protect the INNOCENT and you never racially discriminate on my fellow African Americans. your cooperating and helping and must i say assholes. Yup i said it. Two bitch ass cops pulled me and my homeboy over Friday night. i was driving his car because we had been drinking and he was wasted. any who i was being followed for a half of mile before they pulled us over. (my seat belt wasn't on and i was tipsy) dude looks shocked to see a female driving. first question was are there any weapons or drugs in the vehicle. (ummm whaaat) we say no. they're like are you sure. i say yes. then ask where are we going & coming from my friend answers. then tells me to get out. makes me take a sobriety test. yes little Innocent amber.
I IMMEDIATELY wanted to laugh because all i could think about was this video

(i posted this video on here last year)
But I was so confused & nervous. I was praying he wouldn't make me recite my alphabet backwards, lord knows i cant do that shit sober. But I had to follow a flash light (light the picture above) and the touch your nose extend your hand bs. I passed the test lord willingly. he then proceeds by saying i turned wide into the wrong lane. be careful. ummmm are you kidding me. we got pulled over for d.w.b. (driving while black) all the more reason to love them cherries & berries. :)
your the fucking best!

xoxo
Sincerely,
Amber
(via cell phone blogging, sorry for the errors)

Dear bloggers

2009-09-25T10:26:00.007-06:00

Hey dolls. So I see LOTS of people coming to my page and you guys never say anything. I know some of my post can be long, but a simple hello or just stopping by can help. That's the only way I'm going to keep this page open. Since you guys did vote for me to. The people who comment always comment and I appreciate you tremendously. But those people can easily be added to my list once if I make my page private. I just have to know I'm writing for purpose. (feel me)

oh and before I if leave you have twitter make sure you

www.twitter.com/AnotherAmber
I've gotten to know so many of my blog family this way.

Well I hope all is well. Have a wonderful and safe weekend.

Love you all.
xoxo

Sincerely.
Amber

-P.S. I need to update my blog roll at the top of my blog. If you don't see your blog listed let me know. My memory sucks. Those are the blogs I read and comment on the most and I want to read everyones. I'm just forgetful. Don't sue me.

Why I'm Single

2009-09-23T14:11:00.008-06:00

Why do people always define single people as being miserable, bitter, scorn and unhappy? Especially women. You hear shit like, "I'm not trying to be the old lady who dies alone with her cats." Umm what? What about embracing individuality? Working on your career and goals. Do we really need a partnership to be happy beings?

So I received a phone call from an "old" friend. Well someone who used to like me and I never liked him back. This is funny because my home girl Ashley just got a phone call like this too.
Anyways. He's all like I'm the one that got away, he misses me, still wants to be with me. He's like i hope you don't have a boyfriend. Im like whaaaat. Hes like yeah because I'm still trying to wife you blahhh blahhhhhhh.

(side note) Not sure if yall caught Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami's latest episode when Omarion tried to wife up Khloe and she died laughing. (if you missed it see episode here) Whelp that's my life. I laugh when i'm placed in uncomfortable situations. Guys tell me all the time how I never take them serious. I tend to run away from relationships. It makes me nervous as hell, not guys but the commitment part. My friends have always known me as being the "player" because I talk to so many guys. This mechanism is solely so I wont focus on just one guy and fuck around and start liking his ass. I'm NOT afraid of being hurt, not by anymeans (thats a huge risk you take when being in a relationship) I'm just simply afraid of falling hard for someone and losing myself in the process.

I'd rather keep it simple and have a (on the surface) relationship. Which means, not too many questions being asked, no stories of past relations, no meeting family especially parents, and no PDA (which is trifling) We can hangout and do all that good stuff just as friends would do without titles to complicate things. Make sense? I would think most guys would be down for my arrangement, but as you can see that's not my situation. They usually want relationships, or tell me they l-ve me and I have to leave them be.
My family have started asking me when am i going to bring someone home. Ummmmm you don't bring these guys home. I don't plan on letting my family meet anyone until Im serious with them. My niece asked me was my best friend Ashley my girlfriend. I was like Ohhh shit thats not good, she thinks I'm gay. hahaha. I just haven't taken anyone serious in almost two years. I'm young and the place that I'm at in life isn't ready for anything serious or anyone to complicate my situation.

I don't understand why people need others to define themselves, especially females. They give girls like me a bad name. Most guys think I'm automatically clingy, and going to be all girly and fall in l-ve fast. But that isn't me at all. I am guarded, one of the least emotional females you'll ever meet in life. I'm not one for PDA, holding hands, kissing for no reason, saying i l-ve you. etc. I'm super sarcastic and I'm mean as hell (so i've been told). I've never been the type to "need" a boyfriend. I never want a man to represent me.

Usually if i answer my phone after giving out my number that guy only last for 3-5 days without me being annoyed. In my personal situations the guys i talk to are thirstier then most females i know (when it comes to wanting to be in relationships.) Sometimes i wonder if I'm leading people on or passing up someone good, because of my preferences but i know I'm not. I tell the guys i don't like them like that, sometimes several times. And i cant help what i prefer. I'm not limiting myself or lowering my standards for anyone. I just want my next relationship to be with someone that can and will actually last. I'm not jumping head first into anything. So if a male cant take being my friend then he doesn't need to be with me in the first place.

Tis the season to be caking fa la la la la.. la la la la. With that said you will see me blog about relationships and wanting a new "boo" or "boyfriend" from time to time. Ignore me. I'm talking shit. Its just about to be cold out, which means no clubs and hanging out as often as I could be. So i get bored and started thinking about dumb shit like boyfriends. Don't get me wrong i have friends and silent partners just no one worth bringing surface and displaying l-ve for. When that situation presents itself and the timing is right then I will. Until then......

But this is why I'm single and will be until further notice. 85% of the time I'm perfectly happy. So don't think I'm bitter, a man hater or anything. I'm good. I just thought I'd address the situation. For now I'll continue to be a "single black female addicted to retail"

xoxo
Sincerely,
Amber

Dear Georgia.

2009-09-19T09:45:00.002-06:00

Dear Georgia,
You do something to me. Everytime I see you I fall in love all over again. This time Im going to make you official girl. I want this to be longterm. No more popping in and out of your life. At night you turn me on and during the day you show me things i've never felt before. I missed you so much, so Im thinking this is go to be serious. Im in love.

ok on the real note.

Im in Atlanta. Went to Ultimate last night and saw MY HUSBAND Trey Songz ducked in the corner. I was walking to my seat and was like .. i know him. wait a minute bitch thats trey songz. he started laughing. I waved and he waved back. You cant be a groupie in atlanta.. so i played it real coo. Im suppose to see him again today. pictures will be posted later.

I saw my favorite blogger Necole Bitche too .. at luckies.

then we went to Essos. im from the hood and love hood clubs so that was right on the money. i had a damn ball.

we was going to magic city, but we ALL were drunk messes. I wanted to see my favorite stripper Brook lynne were going somewhere tonight. cant come here without hitting the strip clubs.

...well thats been all so far. alots going on today. I went an looked at an apartment with my aunt this morning. Im moving here like a fucking sap.
pictures coming soon.

i was too cute lastnight. =)

ttyl guys <3 .

Dear Kanye

2009-09-14T21:31:00.002-06:00

Dear Uncle Kanye,
I have spent the entire day going in because people wanna say you aint shit. Excuse me this is my family. lol. No but seriously. He apologized, although i dont think he should have. Maybe it was the hen dawg speaking but when they said "taylor swift" twitter was going crazy, I personally was saying what the hell and here appears Kanye. People were shocked. Thats the only reason everyones tripping. The insider had a poll asking was his career over. 97% said yes. Ummmmm what the fudgecake? As soon as he drops another hit all you bitches will be on his "dick no homo" So get over it. Half of the "black" community had no idea who Taylor Swift was until yesterday. So who gives us the right to say his career is over? Shut uppp. Answer me this. All the videos that Taylor was going up against came out when? ..last year (right) while her video came out when? (this summer) .. Taylor was also on the previews promoting the vmas .. coincidence? Yes. So dont be mad at Kanye for speaking the truth. Yeah he didnt have to be "rude" and take her mic from her but shit its Kanye. So Uncle Ye hold your head high. I still love you. Pow.

Sincerly,
Amber

My Soul Bleeds Royal Blue (this might be too deep for you)

2009-09-10T19:48:00.002-06:00

The truth has absorbed itself into fabrication
flanked by the foggy mirrors where my image lives
sheltered souls.shallow. royal blue reflections.
Communication lacks at time but he feels me
we make love --intellectually
in the flesh my soul bleeds.royal blue.

LIES turn to deceit
queen of cold. its winter year 'round
ice box is where my heart resides
he sucked me into this trap but i have to breathe to live.
i run. get away. i run. i run i run.
cries within so my lips lock onto the purple to free my mind.

love don’t live here no more.
I’ve dug the words into my skin deep.
so deep thats all we have left is this love hate
head congested with dishonesty.
the truth hurts to bad.
the memories fade to black
his scent still lingers and lies on my bed still-- stiff.
so i run. i run i run. to get free i run.

coke and hennessey is in my blood stream
my smiles are misleading.
convincing I pretend to be.
my Happiness is past tense
our souls bleed royal blue
take off your cool and reveal your soul.
behind your image is not a man but a childish fool.

im cold. i fade love is gone. Its love hate.
she dying. no need to protect her force
let her go. no need in reviving her.
hes gone. playing games with someone elses heart
so i run to get free. I run from our memories.
until my soul bleeds
royal blue

dear septemeber 12th

2009-09-10T03:34:00.004-06:00

Dear,
short dresses
laughing
loud music
liquor
boys boys boys boys
gucci mane
feeling myself
happy
jeremih on repeat
cake
nails painted
loud
clubbing
dinner
friends
candles
money money monaaay
candles
"mama super thick she said she 22"
virgo

sincerely amber

SEPTEMEBER 12TH ...TOO BE CONTINUED

Dear Tremaine

2009-09-08T02:11:00.004-06:00

Dear Tremaine Aldon Neverson,

So i been peeping you out for quite sometime. Way before these other bitches fell for you. Im talking about the Just gotta make it days. But im not gonna lie, i put you on the back burner. Paid you no mind. Until you came out talking bout you was looking for your superwoman and this is the last time. My eyebrow raised i was like damn this nigga can get it. Then you cut off the braids and all the bitches went crazy. I was like okay okay. Hes on his grown man thats coo. You was looking good no reason to front. Now all these crazed fans are all over you. Tell them bitches im with you. You have been warned.

Sincerely,
Amber

(sidenote) i'm j/k but Trey is defintely the new "sex symbol" i dont know one chick who doesn't think hes cute.

At your best you are loved.

2009-08-25T01:17:00.004-06:00

Its hard to believe Aug 25th 2001 was 8 years ago. Aalyiah died. She was only 22 years young.
Its sounds so crazy. It was only yesterday I was learning her dances. They always say the good die young. We know your in heaven dancing around with MJ. We love you babygirl.
Word on the street is a movie is in the making based upon Aaliyahs life. Starring video vixen/ actress Keshia Chante. chick looks just like her. Kinda scary. But i cant wait.

Her last video footage while shooting her last video Rock the boat. click here

Lifestyles of the Broke and Nameless

2009-08-24T01:51:00.002-06:00

you know the old saying, friends come and go like seasons. haha however that goes.
well its the story of my life..

-im over those people

-i can count on one hand the ppl i TRUST

-some ppl dont have your best interest at heart, even when they say they do.

lately i've found myself just hanging with my family. i have lots of cousins. i'd rather them screw me over then some bitch that sooner or later will mean nothing.

what happened to best friends forever?? forever is next week these days..

im gonna stay on my solo dolo. get my shit together

sadly my bday is 2 weeks away.. but im gonna make the best out of it. im not excited anymore.. its blahhhh

btw, i've found myself getting super personal on my blog.. so im gonna start up another one.

it will be up and running by sept.

"lifestyles of the broke and nameless"
-of course its gonna cover fashion, thats my life. hehehe
but i'll show you outfits celebs wore (rihanna, solange, bey, zoe, amber rose, kanye) and show you how to find it for the low low. And show you the whats hawt. especially since fashion week is coming up. Fall is my fav season im excited to fall in love with clothes again.

i'll continue with the music updates, downloads, videos
and other coolness that i can share.

i'm changing this blog (sincerely, amber) to a strictly private type of blog. so send me your email addresses if you want to continue reading. my blogs will be in letter formats (hence the sincerely, amber) these changes wont be until the launch of my new blog. soooo wish me luck. and i want to thank you guys for keeping up with my random ass life. love you guys.

ttys.

Things i've learned

2009-08-01T07:05:00.003-06:00

life is too short not to be thankful for every moment

dont hold grudges.

friends really do become family.

a simple smile can brighten someones day.

love is blind.

karma is truly a bitch.

the ONLY opinion that matters is my own.

follow your dreams and if someone is standing in your way REMOVE their ass.

dont tell everyone EVERYTHING.

dont kiss and tell.

love all trust few.

put God first.

everything happens for a reason.

tomorrow will be better than today.

think before you speak.

be careful what you ask for.

the end. . .

There are two kinds of people the righteous and the wicked

2009-07-30T01:57:00.002-06:00

So if you guys didnt know already. I am from IndiaNAPolis aka Naptown aka Nappyville. And these are some of my homeboys that are doing it heavy with their music here. Just showing my support. The video is actually dope. They talk at the beginning but there is a music video. So watch and comment.

Grab a pen and some paper and take notes

2009-07-22T21:15:00.005-06:00

I used to think about immature things
Y'know like, do you love me? Do you want me?
Are you gon' call me like you said you would?
Is this really your real phone number?

WAIT A MINUTE MOTHAF$&@!@##$# .....

-IF I LIE and give u the wrong number.. dont confront me telling me i did.

-IF <--- i do give you my number PLEASE dont ask me when should you call, or when it is a good time for me?

-Dont ask my friends for my number

-Dont have your friend come up to me to tell me you want to talk to me. (Were grown now boo boo)

-If your trying to talk to me DONT grab my arm, make birdcalls, dog whistles any other weird ass sound, Scream AYEEEE SHAWTY, Yo, Aye you with the red hair, Lil Mama in the (pick a color) ...you will get ignored

-iF im backing up.. that means your too close

-Please dont whisper in my ear.. it freaks me out

-Dont ask me if i like you.

-Dont act insecure and think im your girlfriend just because we had sex

-Dont call asking do i have any "buddies" for your homeboy. This is NOT MATCHMAKER.COM

-Dont call and TELL ME your about to come over. Nigga ask.. thanks

SORRY I HAD TO VENT.

Souljah Boy Tell Em.. Work

2009-07-22T01:43:00.002-06:00

Not gonna lie.. He got me with the Gucci Bandana song.. Yes i like Souljah Boy.. I dont give a damn what you think. Im sure you was singing.. turn my swag on like everyone else.. so wannn stfu

This song is STUCK in my head "Work"

im geeked

2009-07-22T01:41:00.002-06:00

Sooooooooo im sure by now you know im IN LOVE with Kanye. He's my favorite entertainer..

i also love all G.O.O.D. music. Common, Cudi, Big Sean.. and support them and their projects to the FUUUUUUUULLEST...

my song.. with 3 of my faves. Kid Cudi, Common and Ye.. = ) with the Lady Gaga poker face sample in the back -make her say

-if you dont like this video or song.. you suck and were not friends.. jump of the bridge.. k.

To Love

2009-07-11T03:37:00.002-06:00

Dear Love,
I feel like i'm in a war between my heart and pride. I love to be with you , yet I refuse to hurt inside. Yeah you MIGHT care, but some things are based upon lie. If it wasn't I wouldnt feel this empty inside. I'm afraid to let you in because of the pain thats sure to come. At this rate I'll NEVER find the one. To afraid of tears, from the karma that sure find me from previous years. Maybe its all just lust. Because I seem to always put too much effort in "us" Love can you even hear me? You've ignored me all these years. I worthy of some attention by now. I've taken a personal time out to do soul searching to find out me. Now im straight lonely. Just wondering if you bailed out on me. I just hope you can still find me.

Sincerely,
Me

LOVE is a LOSING game

2009-07-11T02:38:00.013-06:00

Amy Winehouse said it best, "Why do I wish I never played-- Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame Love is a losing game

I held the title
Wore the crown
I was the trophy
While you ducked down
And she was cool With just fooling around
Now number four was there to ride And five was crazy his wild child
And when we're rocky He calls number nine
And you don't know
You fill many spaces
And she don't know
She's one of many lies
And he don't know How he steals many places
And we all know
We can't fix him if we tried
I would've been the one

Boys will be boys. Thats fine and everything but when do those boys grow up into men? Young Money is fucking these niggas heads up. Fuck every girl in the world if you want to and your bound to catch something.

Why has cheating become so acceptable? If you want to fuck around BE SINGLE.
Answer me this.. Why do women fuck with men who are in a relationship? <---ESPECIALLY if you know it!! Is it cute? Is it classy? Is it really ladylike? Is it acceptable? (ANSWER= NO NO NO AND HELL NO)

Ladies yall gotta stop taking these niggas back. Yeah you THINK you love him, but would he really cheat if he LOVED YOU? Fuck that temptation hooblah.. we have can fall into it IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF. Fellas all i can say is DONT BE SURPRISED if she finds a boyfriend #2 because shes dumb enough to stay with you. And if you do get caught and shes keeps you DONT ACT ALL INSECURE.
I told you previously mothafuckas was gonna start getting killed out here.. fucking around.
Don't get McNair'd.

-Just saying

Nicki the Ninja

2009-07-10T18:53:00.006-06:00

So if you didn't already know I love Nicki "the ninja" Minaj ( Nicki Lewkinsky..Harajuku Barbie Bitch) Lol that was super extra. But naw it was about time we had another cunty ass female rapper in the game. Khia & Shawna had one hit, Remys locked up, Lil Kim's too busy dancing for fans, Trina comes and goes so hey im feelin Miss Minaj. Plus shes super sexy <---no rainbows intended.
If you havent heard or copped her Mixtape Beam Me Up Scotty You can download it. HERE) <----OR click her picture make sure you download Treys Anticipation on the side bar too. I'm just trying to keep your speakers fresh this summer. Thank me later.

-xoxo
Barbie Bitch

oh i will be releasing my mix tape on my birthday in September. =)
i need help with titles.

Freaky Friday

2009-07-10T02:41:00.006-06:00

Sheena (dopefiend) does this every tuesday. so ill start the freaky friday trend.

1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?
- typical virgin bed. i know the exact date.. smh

2. How often do you lie?
often.. usually in a jokingly manner.

3. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?
-thats hard. but i agree with u Sheena. goodlooking. im vein so what!

4. Have you ever passed out or suffered memory loss from drinking too much?
-yes. i used to blackout when i was at A&M. tryna hang with the big dogs

5. Top or bottom?
-depends. "Sometimes I just want to be dominated" -Sheena. totally agree?

part II
1. Would you stay in a loveless relationship for the amazing sex?
-been there done that. my "SP" silent partner <---copywritten by brookandthecity
was definitely special. but couldnt do it forever

2. If you could only have one, which would you choose: love that lasts forever or great, body numbing sex?
-great sex. lol fuck the love

3. Looking back at your past loves, which one should you have married/taken back and who should you have tossed earlier than you did?
-no regrets baby. none are good enough for me to marry.. next question

4. if you had one last fuck in you where, how and who would you “give it” to?
i like places where im bound to get caught.
-who... thats tough. probably Mr. Dade County. He was lovely.

5. Which is more important sex, money, love and happiness? (and no, you can’t pick’em all)
-happiness. but at this moment i say money

Part III
1. How many speeding tickets have you had? Accidents?
-tickets 3. only 2 are in the system
accidents .. i ran into a parked car when i was a senior in high school
and my step mom ran into my car last year

2. Boxers, briefs or commando?
-i dont care. as long as whats in it is big.

3. Have you ever had sex in your office or your place of employment?naw just kissed--
4. Do you or your SO own a motorcycle? Do you ever ride one? Do you wear a helmet when you ride?
i want one.. learning how to ride.. if im riding on the back no helmet.. dumb i know
5. Ever been skinny dipping?
lol noooo.
Bonus: Ever been arrested?
-naw im a good girl

Now its your turn. comment and answer the questions.

When Cheating goes wrong

2009-07-09T19:52:00.007-06:00

By now i'm sure you all have heard the disturbing news about former Tennessee Titan Steve Mcnairs passing. If not read the story here

Photo below Mcnairs mistress Sahel Kazemi

A couple of days before the deaths Sahel had been stopped by police and charged with a DUI.
Sahel also confessed to her friend that, "her life was spinning out of control." Interviews with friends revealed that she was making payments on two cars, her rent was doubling and she suspected the married McNair was having a second affair with another young woman.

Supposedly she believed McNair was divorcing his wife and planning to move her in because she was selling ALL of her furniture on Craigslist.
No one truly knows why Sahel killed McNair and took her own life but all I can say is this is a WAKE UP CALL to cheating spouses all over the world. You never know what someone is capable of doing, When you "lead" people on someone always gets hurt.
She told a friend on Friday that, "My life is a ball of s--- and I should end it," Never take someone cry for help lightly.

911 call listen hear

PS -I feel terrible for McNairs wife Mechelle and kids. She had no idea he was cheating on her. This is a horrible way to find out. No one wants to be cheated on better yet have to bury their spouse over some bullshit. I know so many thoughts and feelings are running their her mind. I would be numb. My prayers go out to Mechelle and the rest of the McNair family.

Tattoo your name across my heart

2009-07-08T20:47:00.006-06:00
Beyonce knows shes that bitch. She kills the video before she even sings. (thats my favorite part) And her ghetto girl dance.. too funny. i love it and the video does the song justice. only one little problem. Is Bey missing Kelly and Michelle or something b/c shes killing me with the 2 "back up dancers" ...just a thought.

We were never meant to be baby we just happened

2009-07-01T02:13:00.004-06:00

“When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?” Carrie Bradshaw

His smile. His soft kisses. His touch. The way he held me. His smell. His locs. His smooth skin. His accent. His hustle. His laid back persona. His sarcastic ass remarks. His goofy laugh. His intelligence. Him needing me.. me needing him. I miss his being. damn it haunts me.

I've convinced myself it was only lust. I just wish i could FREE my mind. I've moved on but no one compares to him.

We [Free & I] talked on the phone recently. Yes were friends =)
I "have a boyfriend" so i have no business thinking of him like i do still.
He talked about some chick he was fucking and i was like whoa whoa whoa buddy dont care. He's like well i thought it was coo since were friends and all.

Im friends with most ex boyfriends.. but hes different. Those scars have not yet healed. Its like scraping your knee.. it heals but i pick at it from time to time.
The mark is still there.. I can see it.. but i keep messing with the same sore.. until it bleeds and i learn my lesson again.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

New Videos

2009-06-30T19:18:00.007-06:00
I saw Pleasure P live last summer at this little summer jam in Indianapolis. I've been a fan since. So over course we have all played that bf number 2 song out.. but this is one of my fav. songs from his cd the video is really pretty too check it out love muffins

buy his cd here. its pretty dope believe it or not.

And the lastest song from my favorite ex memeber of Destinys Child Letoya Luckett.
When i first heard the song i was indifferent but now its stuck in my head.
watch the video tell me what you think

Day 26 (truth is) I see Diddy really promoting these dudes. They have another video called girlfriend thats out.. but its low budget no point of posting. But i like this song.. heres the video

Wiz Khalifa is a really dope artist too. Hella people be sleeping on him. He reminds me of a modern day Talib Kweli. (my opinnion) The video for Name on a cloud/ wussup is real chill it has a old school feel.

HE'S BACKKKKK my favorite rappers favorite rapper Jay- Z is back with D.O.A.
the video is coo. I love this song. Note he wasnt referring to Kanye.. seeing that Ye produced it. lol.. i been real defensive on his behalf lately. Anywho heres the video

And my favorite Kanye with my favorite song from heartbreaks & 808's Street Lights video.. Yall already know i LOVE it!!! Only he can do the cartoon videos.

which ones did you like?

My sex game is stupid.

2009-06-19T11:23:00.006-06:00

I was talking to my politically correct sarcastic ass friend lastnight. He is dumb as fuck. He said.. he got elbowed in the eye for pushing his girls head down while he was getting face. Man i laughed so fuckin hard.

Then he asked if i like the Young Money - Every Girl song. I told him yeah duh. He said well thats dumb ass fuck. Especially when girls be in the club singing that shit. If u dont mean it dont sing it. Damn near true.. but its plenty of songs like that. Tip Drill, Slob on my knob, Bust it baby.
yeah im none of the above. but i still sing the songs.

Isnt it crazy how much sexually explicit songs and lyrics it is in the world. Yet we still sing and dance on top of tables. Not giving a damn. Our generation is a mess.

I was listening to Juvinelles Song Set it off He said, "I know I got some big lips, but I ain't trippin'
And momma I love pussy, but I ain't lickin' " i died.

Niggas these days dont give a damn. I guess Plies, Pretty Ricky and Wayne let mofos know its coo to say they lickey lickey. Now damn near every wannabe rapper talks about licking on bitches like its nothing.

My question to you is.. why is it coo to give head to a guy or give head to a girl without using condoms but u gotta have one on to fuck them. That doesnt make sense to me.

Our generation is some sex crazed, baby popping, disease having, gun carrying, weave rocking, loud talking foo's. SMH

DOUBLE STANDARDS

2009-06-16T22:56:00.003-06:00

Theres some hoes in this house

Technically.. if your sexually active and have had more than one sex partner.. please believe someone can/ have/ or will call you a hoe. Some people do it out of pure ignorance

wdf is a hoe anyways

no names mentioned. a girl i know has sex with nuuuuuuumerous guys. she said. hey i like sex and i like having sex with different people. i get an adernaline rush when its with someone new... new or old partner i always protect myself.
shes comfortable with her sexuality.. why call her a hoe.

sex is just sex... right???
i mean yeah u can get all bibilical but how many of us really waited until we were married like we were supposed to. so lets throw that out the window.

i dont think u have to be in love, or a relationship to have sex with someone.
no strings attached is the best.. in my opinion. yes feelings can generate but if its a mutual agreement from jump then no feelings can get hurt

i still cant grasp why its coo for niggas to fuck everybody and their grandma's neighbor but we cant.

YOU WORRIED BOUT THE WRONG THANGS THE WRONG THANGS

2009-06-16T22:50:00.004-06:00
LMAO I SWEAR IM NOT A KANYE GROUPIE.

HE IS JUST MY FAVORITE ENTERTAINER

SO UNCLE YE.. OF COURSE WENT HAM ON THIS EGO REMIX

HERES THE VIDEO

OH AND BEYONCES NEW VIDEO FOR BROKEN HEARTED GIRL

a bunch of nothin

2009-06-15T22:11:00.005-06:00
yall im sooo sorry. i really have no time what-so-eva to blog.
forgive me

sooo heres an update of my life

job.. have one. thats good. hate it. thats bad real bad michael jackson
im looking for something else tho. i hate the hoes i work with

looking for a new whip. i want a suv. but its in gods hands. ill be thankful for whatever he blesses me with

relationship... i gotta lotta that. im good in that department. although my "he" pissed me off. im good.

still no babies so everythings gravy.

random im listening to the nicki minaj remix of go hard. its goes hard. fareal.
download here

im trying to have a safe summer. so many people have being dying. i dont get it. no one understands death. but everyone should be grateful of life.. because when its our time to go we have no control over it.

oh and i died my hair. red chunky streaks. im in love with it
i did it last spring 07

me in the middle

this time its not as bold

i been clubbing non stop. last week. i went out EVERY NIGHT SUM, MON, TUES, WED SKIP THURS FRI AND SAT. im worn theeee hell out. but im living life up.

well thats my life.
until next time

oh PS. KANYE IS OFFICIALLY GOING ON TOUR. YESSSSSSSSSSSS IM TOOOOOO EXCITED =]
--ill keep ya posted.

later

Birthday Bitch

2009-06-03T14:01:00.004-06:00

If someones your "friend" must u argue and fight with them all the time? Nawww probably not. I dont consider someone like that a true friend. yes we might disagree but ALL the time and over the most PETTY shit.. thats just crazy

heres the story

a "friend" and i werent talking because of some petty shit
we started conversing again ONLY BECAUSE something terrible happened to a mutual friend of ours. so within this week i guess we were on somewhat of good terms.
the following week was her birthday. She really didnt tell me much.. the night before her 21st. we were going out to celebrate she wanted to be in the club at midnight. plan FAILED. it was raining cats and monkeys outside and god was in heaven taking pictures.. so the club was no longer a go.. in my opinion .. long story short. i wasnt going.. she had her roommate call me from her phone and ask me to drive 20 minutes out of my way to get them and take them to the club basically so i can be their designated driver.. ummmmmm wdf do i look like a taxi cab. i said no.

next day (her actually bitch day)
i received a text saying be at the restaurant at 7pm.
okay cool. thats all i knew.
i went to the restaurant late about 8:40 ish. because i didnt plan on eating
plan failed again.. she wasnt there.
i call her. she has an attitude (hear it all in her voice) saying she wasnt there yet. its damn near 9.. so im like wdf.. glad i didnt show up at 7pm i woulda been mad.
she arrives ..doesnt speak.. im like okkay wdf.. her entourage is all dressed up.. im in jeans. so i clearly was out the loop. i ask so whats going on tonight. her friend says.. were going to some cigar bar afterwards.. yup still out the loop. im like ill pass. was supposed to go out with her.. but was like fuck it. dont wanna deal with attitudes i wanted to ENJOY my night. so i did.
we havent spoke in 2 maybe 3 weeks. its a never ending cycle of pettiness. ive been the bigger person on each occasion and called to squash the dumb shit.. but im over it. i dont even know why i wrote a blog about this shit. im watching a movie and the same situation kind of went on.. so i was like well i can understand.

moral of my story.. be careful who you call your friend. some people are genuine some arent.

Girlfriend number 2?

2009-05-14T11:31:00.006-06:00

This post was inspired from my homeboy Velle He asked.. "does any female have a problem being 'girlfriend number 2'?" So i answered it for you hoes.. Yes.. Females have a problem. Personally I dont, but thats only because i act real niggerish. But Females are too damn emotional to be on the sideline. At first they will be coo acting like its nothing but if yall fucking around for awhile feelings will appear eventually. Although u get all the perks as if your his "main chick" The reality is your NOT and never WILL BE. SoOoo hell naw no gf's number two. And Pleasure P got all yall niggas running around fucking other niggas bitches thinkin the shit is coo. Alot of mofos are gonna get shot this summer.. thats all i can say. And bitches if do have a boyfriend number two lets protect ourselves. Wrap that shit up.. dont let bf number two burn ur ass .. then bf number 1 get it and fuck around and kill your ass too. I mean everyone cheats or has cheated -- dont get me wrong, but dont go around searching for titles "girlfriends, boyfriends" to boost your ego. when in the long run your not ready for commitment.

Everyone Plays Em

2009-05-07T01:00:00.007-06:00

Remember the Backstreet Boys Song, "Quit Playing Games With My Heart" ???
if not refresh yourself & listen here Anywho so thats how im feeling right about now. Im soooooooooooo sick of the games. We all say, "i'm not with the games" but then again we ALLLL play them. Example:
the rule before calling a person the first time
playing phone tag on purpose
playing hard to get
acting like u dont want to have sex knowing u do
acting like ur not sprung when u are..
getting a text from a person that u CLEARLY know who it is ..yet u text back "who is this" just to be difficult
erasing (he/she's) number out your phone so u wont be tempted to call since they made u mad..
GAMES GAMES GAMES GAAAAMES AND the list can go on for days

Were all guilty somehow.
I know I can play some of them from time to time. but its sucks when im serious and tired of the run around. sometimes i need a straight forward get to the point type of guy. (which are so hard to find btw) This guy has been getting on my laaaaaast nerve lately. He's playing some tick for tac type of shit which is so uncooool and childish. he texted me trying to see me. heres the convo word from word

KG: Is like 7:30 or 8 ok?
Me (at 5:16pm) yeah thats coo
Me (at 8:45) Niggas be prankin smh
KG: lol...im not prankin i swear.. was watchin playoffs (so was i btw) .. y u gotta be so ugh! (wdf is ughhh??) where u at?
*note everything in parenthesis is what i was thinking ^^^^
Me: im done playing with u. So its coo
KG:No u not done wit me
Me: Okkkay im not. lol
KG: Im serious
Me: Me too
KG: Now im confused.. u r done or u aren't
Me: nigga its pointless. Were obviously never going to see each other. So why continue to play around. im done.
KG: Yes we are.. i take blame but u forgot about me for a loooong time and finally u wanna see me... but i'm not playin or nothing swear
Me: Ur clearly on one my dude
KG: can u stop actin like that!!!
Me: how am i actin? REAL? im not with the games. So whatever
KG: ur being mean when u seriously know i wanna fuck wit u.. im not playin games and i'm glad ur not either so i dont want it to b like this

i didnt say shit back.. wdf? first u play me.. stand me up.. then act like a bitch and beg me to talk to u. ummmmm naw im good.. im damn near 22 and hes damn near 24.. im coo off the games. its a whirlpool of getting nowhere. i know yall feel me. And how the hell was i being mean?? stupid mofo's..

New Videos

2009-05-07T00:29:00.004-06:00

Enjoy

Cry for Help

2009-05-07T00:07:00.006-06:00
Twitterworld went bananas tonight over these "leaked" pictures of Cassie.

At 2:17 am she tried to redeem herself by saying, "
cassieventura IT SEEMS THAT SOMEONE HAS HACKED INTO MY COMPUTER...THAT'S REAL FOUL AND EVIL. NOW STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN A TITTY BEFORE. "

I feel her. its not that deep not at all. im not posting the nude pictures. yall can see enough above. but damn its crazy mofos are going crazy.

i think its an attention stunt. diddy probably made her ass do it. lmao its crazy how much power niggas can have over u when ur in LUST.
FIRST THE HAIR

AND NOW THIS FOOLISHNESS

..the life of an unofficial girl

read the rest of the story here

oh yes bitches im excited.... =]

2009-05-01T02:50:00.003-06:00
something to smile about =]
my unc yae FINALLY dropped his amazing video and I LOVE IT.
if u dont like Ye then kick boudlers and die slow.
this blog is not for you especially since i love him.

watch and enjoy

dear government

2009-04-30T00:23:00.005-06:00

dear government,
[CLEARS THROAT] ummmm so i'm going to need for you to STOP trying to scare us and kill off the human race in general. I dont even know when all these epidemics happened but every year its a new one. Aids, West Nile, anthrax, mad cow, bird flu. nowwwwww Swine Flu. U see the pattern? Black people.. LOL let me stop. But fareal I'm tired of this.. Im not trying to walk around this summer looking like one of Micheal Jacksons children.. [covering my face] especially since the swine flu has been found in my state of residence. Im sure next spring/ summer it will be something else. they are just trying to eliminate the human race in general. so dear government please stop. thanks

sincerely, Amber

be blessed

2009-04-30T00:17:00.004-06:00
lately i've been finding myself complaining ALOT. The crazy thing is im so blessed in so many ways and have no reason to complain at all. Im the only one who can change my situation/s (aka the reason im complaining)

its just hard to smile these days..

my auntie died (2 hours after i went to see her) thats craaaazy.

im just sad and down.. so much going on.. but im trying to smile and see the light at the end of the tunnel. i know im blessed.. so i'll be blessed. you do the same

sticky situation.

2009-04-14T02:36:00.005-06:00

Okay so its the guy who likes me and i USED to work with him. Im NOT one for co-workers dating. i think its a mess waiting to happen. i've done it before and it was nothing but drama. ..anywho i always thought this guy was cute but never said anything to him for that manner.. plus i dont approach guys first.. i kept to myself when i worked at sprint because it was hater central in that place. We found out our call center was closing and he started speaking towards the end of it all. So we exchanged contact and have been talking via text & calls every since then. So i did some investigating and dude has a girlfriend. He's 23 and has been messing with chick since he was 18. Yeah thats a looooooong ass time. he NEVER said anything about oh girl. Yeah i shoulda asked but we were talking about relationships and he was like ..yeah i gotta wife u up.. some bull. so it led me to believe dude was single. WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! Okay so now that i know i've been real reserved. I havent really said anything to him about the situation because im waiting on him to confess. Honestly i really dont care (deep down) i never care about people feelings. but im trying too. apart of me knows i would be shitty if my boyfriend was doing all this. Especially since he's all like lets go out to dinner, movies or something.. for what? Dude text and calls me all throughout the day. so im like.. what kind of girlfriend do u have??? so i really dont know what to do. im not trying to go with the dude.. not at all. im good in that area. but talking to ppl is fun. i normally dont care about girlfriends but since im getting older (almost 22) i think its time to mature and realize karma will soon bite me in the ass. So what should i do?

keep talking/ flirting and just have fun
tell him i know
leave him alone??

hmmmm idk

i know this guy who knows this girl who knows this guy..

2009-04-08T23:50:00.004-06:00

Facebook, Twitter, Blogspot, Text messages, Phone calls, aim, email, drive bys.. BASICALLY people have too much access to me these days. Lets go back to the message in a bottle days..

I can say how im feeling on here (blogger) because friends will take it out of context and run with it.. same for twitter.. i really dont put much on facebook anymore & i deactivated myspace months ago. our generation has gone technology crazy! i need a break from it all. i love twitter but its going to get old soon until something else pops up. but i've never been the type to hold back how i'm feeling.. no matter who it is..

Friends: (its seriously a word) it means nothing. Friends are there for that second and that moment. None have proved themselves to be life long. They come and go like the wind. I dont put anything past anyone anymore.. they are who they are and i am who i am. love it or leave it. Im just sick of the pettiness, the arguments, the bickering.. its all old. im sooo tired of it. i find myself drifting further and further away. it shouldnt be that way.. but it is. i trust very few. im down for being coo but lets not put labels on things, wdf is a "best"friend anyways. We are all sinners and will all do each other wrong somehow someway. im tired of the 3rd, 4th and 5th chances. its all old. people never change. shit maybe im the one who will never change. im running away from the negativity. so if your positive you will still be in my life.. if not (snip-snip) im cutting u out of it!

Thats how im feeling.. i've been doing alot of journal writing. ive been thinking about making my blog private. if u already follow me.. then coo. if u dont then u wont be able to see it. what do u think?

I used to love h.e.r.

2009-03-31T02:48:00.005-06:00
Guess u never really know what u had until its gone. I feel so bad. i actually tried to diss you in front of everybody. i mean we had a real relationship. you understood me and i understood you. i shared my inner most thoughts to you. things that i would never tell anyone else and u never judged me.. you always TRIED to understand. but things have changed. certain people came into my life and you were no longer a priority. its real fucked up, yeah i know. I guess i really didn't know what to say to you. Thats why i was avoiding you, but i still love you. Although I'm seeing other people.. know that i love you and i will come back to you again. love ya blogger. i shall return.

I fly like kelly.. i glide like skates

2009-03-23T01:02:00.007-06:00
So my bad. Somebody wrote me on twitter.
guess they follow my blog and asked me if i was done blogging. not really. but its nothing exciting in my life to really blog about but the same shit, or some negative shit.. and im trying to stray away from it. soooo i will do it jezebel style (my old blog) and post videos that im diggin. and i do a throwback one..

Eric Benet- choclate legs

Twister - Wetter

Jeezy - Dont do it

ginuwine - last chance

Nicole Ray- make it hot

Pop champagne

2009-03-23T00:27:00.004-06:00

time to roll out the red carpet, pop champagne, pull out the ciroc and patron and ish like that. yeah i made it 100!!! Thanks to everyone who reads my shit. keeps up with my scattered thoughts.. thanks for the advice (even when i dont need it) and recently the prayers and kind words. i love u guys. muahhhhhhhhhh =D

and my head keeps spinnin..cant stop having these visions

2009-03-22T03:50:00.003-06:00
n-word #1 wont STOP CALLING. im honestly annoyed he doesnt want diddly squat. USUALLY i would be geeked but im over him
n-word #2 wont STOP CALLIN PAST 2am! the DISRESPECT. it aint shit open that late except whitecastles and legs. pure fuckery...he has me all types of fucked up right now. calling @4am talkin about he's about to come get me NEGRO PLEASE! the d isnt THAT GOOD

:/
my laptop is broken
my pockets are broken = im broke
LIFE IS BORING.. i dont like any guy... this sux
thinkin about bartending school. its a couple weeks (i heard) thinking about becoming a sugarbaby i NEED a sugardaddy lol
oh and i HATE FLO-RIDA! the rapper not the state. i get annoyed when his songs are played.
i wanna cut my hair &
get lots of tattoos

okay im being random

over and out blog world
oh & everyone with twitter leave ur twit names here so i can folllow u. im addicted twitter.com/sincerelyamber

later suckas

Help......

2009-03-17T15:35:00.003-06:00
i've been using myxer to get ringers FOREVER! All of a sudden it saying my phone isnt capable.. so people whats other websites to get ringers. (besides 3gforfree and gritzandeggs)

thy kingdom come.. thy will be done

2009-03-16T22:14:00.002-06:00
my cousin died today
im not in a good mood at all
im tired of crying.
i know they say death comes in threes..BUT DAMN i just lost my uncle a week ago

i dont need any comments really. im no charity case.

just pray for my family

lifes short..tell everyone that u love that you love them.
no grudges
no regrets
carpe diem!

..am i doing something wrong?

2009-03-14T17:21:00.003-06:00
okay so im 21
single
childless

...is there a problem??!
ALL of my cousins have kids. while they're yelling at their babies.. im the one playin with them. they dont take me serious. its like im still a child in their eyes since i am kidless. my 27 y/o cousin tells me i'll have one by next year. wdf? no offense to those with kids but is waiting to have kids some taboo? in order for us to fit in must a whining child be attached to our hips?

not a happy camper

2009-03-10T12:01:00.004-06:00
my dumbass cousin Amber told me my cousin Le'Adrian died this morning. ummm no he didnt. So my dad comes home. i ask him about Le'Adrian he said no my Uncle Oscar died. Ummmm so i feel even better (not) He was my favorite Uncle in Detroit. I stayed with him and my Aunt Claudia everytime i went there. Im mad because I haven't been back to detroit since i was about to move there / almost got shot. (some years back) It sucks that this is why were going back.. for a funeral. I HATE funerals and hate seeing my family members cry. My grandma is going to be super depressed and i hate seeing her that way. Im so not looking forward to this trip. Not at all.

On a brighter note

My sister is now a MRS. She got married Saturday. It actually was nicer than i thought it would be. I now have 2 nephews and 2 neices too. thats crazy. but im happy for her.. better yet im happy that wedding shit is over. im free again =)

KERI BABY!!!

2009-03-09T22:19:00.006-06:00
OKay K.Hilson kinda turned me off with that remix. how dare she? but she was on some punk shit apologizing to Ciara and Beyonce saying she wasnt talking about them. (PET PEEVE) Please dont talk shit then be scared to back it up.. but im back on the Keri boat. March 24th.. i'll be buying her cd. Seeing that i LOVEEEEEEEEEEE this song she redeemed herself with this video + my UNC Ye is in it + Keri's vocals are on point = A from me.
So heres a snippet to the Make Love Video.

p.s. sorry i keep posting videos.. but this is MY BLOG BITCHES! + im too lazy to blog fareal fareal.

P.S.S. what the hell does P.S. really stand for?

30 second venting post.

2009-03-06T00:17:00.005-06:00
ugh so 'Dallas Austin" gets on my nerves.
*not the real dallas austin btw.*
its sad that the only way u can get me to see u is when i wanna smoke with you.
ugh ur lame as shit. askin my girl how much she pays for rent. my dude thats lame.
u mumble when u talk. u breath hard when u talk like ur fat and want a hostess snack.
you stare at me like im sex on the platter.. disgusting
the compliments are annoying.

ugh yeah im annoyed right now.
dont even wanna smoke his weed.

im coooooo. thanks alot Ashley Ashley.

and the same for Wayne.. he calls my bestfriend too ..on some lets smoke. cuz i wont answer my phone or spend time with him. but ill smoke ur shit. believe that.

.... god send me someone i actually like.. please.

HUHHHHHHHHHHHH.

2009-03-05T02:24:00.005-06:00
UGHHHHHHHHHHH WDF BLOGGER??? IM GETTING AN ERROR MESSAGE WHILE TRYING TO COMMENT. SO DONT THINK IM NOT READING UR BLOGS. THAT WORD VERIFICATION SHIT KEEPS SAYING ERROR.SO FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH THAT ANNOYING SHIT ON UR PAGE.. I CANT COMMENT.
SO IM DONE BLOGGING AND READING BLOGS FOR THE NIGHT.

PS. WHY IS MY LIP SWOLLEN LIKE CHRIS BROWN PUNCHED ME? UMMMM. THIS IS NOT CUTE. ANGELINA JOLIE HAS NOTHING ON ME RIGHT NOW.

POSITIVE ENERGY...

2009-03-04T22:18:00.003-06:00
I REALLY WANT A NEW TATTOO.

AND I WANT TO ADD TO THE TATTOO ON MY WRIST THAT SAYS "FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS"
IM ALL ABOUT THAT.

WELL I ACTUALLY WANT LIKE 7 TATTOOS. AND I WANT ANOTHER PIERCING....

GOTTA GET SOME MONEY FIRST. HAHA. BEING BROKE IS NOT CUTE.

It was all a dream.

2009-03-02T21:40:00.003-06:00
i never had a dream that felt so real. He was in it. i woke up smiling. =)
were friends. im happy. but i miss him. ...slowly moving on

LUST FOR LIFE.

2009-03-02T02:06:00.004-06:00
It takes me forever to like someone and 2.5 seconds to stop liking them.
Guys can be so damn annoying. Yes i know u like me. No you dont have to prove yourself. Now i DON'T like you.

and did u really wear that outfit again? GR-RRRROSSSSSS!

Be Jealous.

2009-02-26T19:31:00.022-06:00
I love DOWNTOWN Chicago so much. Its so much to do and see. (minus the $20.00+ parking any & everywhere you go) So the bestfriend Ashley J. and I had to drive 3 hours to Chicago to see Estelle and Solange in concert. Since no one hardly comes to Indianapolis. And it was A M A Z I N G! They both are great ass performers. We were like the first people in line (we were determined to be in the front) and we were front row center! Solange opened up for Estelle killing it in these beautiful open toed mulitcolored pumps(picture below) and a short, black and gold 3.1 mini Phillip Lim dress. I love the fact she went into the crowd and danced around with us. She's amazing and if your sleeping on her then shame on you! She did EVERY song on her album that i love. Would've Been The One, Cosmic Journey, T.O.N.Y., Sandcastle disco and a melody of her songs Chronic and God Given Name. She remixed that Devin the Dude song. it was hot. She definetly did her thing. Sound and looked amazing.
She left stage by throwing the mic stand into the crowd.. it was sooo funny. Especially since she ran off afterwards. (oh and we stole her water) haha. Groupies
Then Estelle came on.. rocking skin tight true religions, a white blazer and black top. Accessorized down with Chanel and black strappy gladiator pumps. She is a very personal and energetic performer. Her band including her three background singers were all men (i thought that was interesting) She was pulling fans on stage with her left and right. I love when artist do shit like that. Overall i had so much fun, it was worth the ride, money.. whateva.
Oh and shouts out to both Solange and Estelle for writing me on twitter. (so just made my day)

Oh and the House of Blues doesnt allow cameras.. (so we snuck them in by putting them in our shirts)
So enjoy. (no zoom)

The Struggle.

2009-02-25T03:36:00.005-06:00
I am fighting with myself.
I am fighting with procrastination and my lack of dedication
I am fighting with the decisions made, regrets i've gained and tears i've drained
I am fighting with the hopes I have that I've set aside
I am fighting for a decent way to work a 9 to 5.
I am fighting with my heart since I cant let go.
I am fighting with reminiscing on the memories that i hold.
I am fighting with myself esteem and ego.
I am fighting with love. I fear the hurt that will follow.
I am fighting with the pride i have thats so hard to swallow.
I am fighting with my previous lifetime and the karma that follows me
I am fighting with being positive instead of this negative energy
I am fighting with listening instead of thinking i know everything
I am fighting with the past and my parents mistakes
I am fighting with patience to accept the things i can not change
I am fighting for my god given name
I am fighting cant you see.
I am fighting to become a better me.

scattered thoughts

2009-02-22T03:00:00.025-06:00
☆I dont want to return any of his phone calls or text messages. (prior post)
☆im so used to not being happy.. when i am happy i expect something bad?
☆Yay Solange's video T.O.N.Y. is the mtv jam of the week!! And I might be going to Chicago this week to see her in concert. =)
☆Two Videos i love to watch are
kid cudi - day and night
Kanye West - welcome to heartbreak
☆Teedra Moses is one of the most slept on artist. Her cd Complex Simplicity pretty much sums my complex ass life.. its therapeutic
☆Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
-And why do i always find my impatient ass in the rush hour traffic?

☆Isn't Justin Timberlake is the finest white man alive?
☆Why is the alphabet in that particular order and why isn't it in that order on the keyboard?
☆Beyonce is a diva we all know that but i like her sister Solange better.
☆ Numerology damn interesting to me
☆Why does 99.99% of EVERYONE think they are cute, sexy, fine, that dude, that chick.. has swag.. ie. yet your ugly, no one knows you and your dusty?
☆Can vegans eat animal crackers?
☆why do people label other people weird because they are actually creative and an individual instead of conforming to society's standards?
☆Can you cry under water?

☆My biggest celeb crushes are Chingy (yes Chingy), Trey Songz, Tyga, Derek Luke, Juelz Santana, Travis McCoy and Jackie Long. Pure sexiness. [minus the host of athletes i adore]
☆My female crushes are Lauren London, Adriana Lima, Reagan Gomez, and Kerry Washington NO HOMO =)

☆why is there a liquor store on every corner? ..rhetorical
☆Whats the point of being insecure?
-"The prettiest people do the ugliest things" -Kanye to the.
☆Speaking of Kanye.. why is he so damn arrogant yet thats why i love him so?
☆Why has VH-1 become a reality dating service for artist who fell off the map?
☆why did Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 break up? They were so perfect for each other.
☆Why do we have leap years
☆why do people get famous off of youtube and sextapes?
☆Lauryn Hill REALLY NEEDS TO get her shit together and bless us with a new cd!
☆why do ppl drink before going out to drink?
☆Why THE EFF did Sister Souljah kill my thoughts of what my perfect version of Midnight looked like (in The Coldest Winter Ever) by putting that whack ass pewney ass dude on the cover of her book Midnight?

☆why do ppl with kids only talk about their kids and expect ppl without kids to care?
☆why is everybody trying to act brand new? isn’t that being fake?
☆why do girls gel down they’re edges? It CANT be baby hair when your 20+ yrs old!!!
☆When will people realize having too much pride will only hurt you?
☆Why do ppl with ugly feet wear flip flops & sandals?
☆why do people think these commercial ass rappers are the best rappers alive? anyone can put similes and adjectives together. -I'll give you Jay but Lupe, Common, Nas, Talib, Mos Def.. they are the best rappers alive. listen and learn something.
☆why do i know more about celebrities lifes then my own "friends and families?" just sad.
☆when will guys notice that the thuglife look is whack? Gold teeth, braids and saggin is soooo played. Sorry Plies. you disgust me.

☆why is twitter so damn stupid yet i love it and im addicted?
☆why is "Superhead" coming out with YET ANOTHER BOOK! She isnt playing about her 15 minutes!
☆When will people realize that being smart is actually okay. Its "cool" to be smart and have the ability to hold an intellectual and stimulating conversation
☆"Tell me something.. Where ya boss at?" -Beyonce
☆Why is it so hard to grow up but so easy to act childish?
☆Why does Ashanti laugh after every sentence she says?
☆Am i the only one who hates watching 106 & Park because of Rocsi?
☆Fashion wise.. gotta love Solange, Zoe Kravitz, Rihanna, The Simmons Girls, Estelle, Kerry Washington and Kanye.
☆BUT why does every girl look like watered down versions of Rihanna? Hair cut, star and roman numeral tattoos. And every dude is walking around looking like mini Kanyes? Be yourself. DAMN
☆Why does every BLACK girl think they can model and damn near every BLACK dude think he can rap?
☆Doesn't the Obamas give us loveless people hope?
-Love especially black love is a beautiful thing.

Your lips keep moving but all i hear is blah blah blah

2009-02-21T16:02:00.009-06:00

I woke up on my bathroom floor. Not a good look. My dad was like Amber whats wrong with you. I know he thinks im pregnant. (im not!!!) Minutes prior i was throwing up my lungs while holding on the wall and sink in my bathroom. He had dropped me off at 8am. Im not a morning person and never will be. My head was pounding. He's talking about some damn sausages. i DONT eat pork.. i rudely told him. I woke up to him holding me. I hate that. I think i should of been born a guy. Im the most unaffectionate girl you will ever meet. (minus my unaffectionate ass bestfriends)I saw the goose bottle empty laying on the table. Condom wrapper laying next to my clothes that were scattered across the floor. WDF? I didnt remember shit. He picked me up from my house around 10pm. He got me card. I remember laughing. It was cute.. i cant remember a guy ever just giving me a card for no reason. We went downtown to the bars. We went to 5 of them. Non stop drinking, kissing and laughing. We went to this bar called The Tiki Bob and he buys $10.00 shots of death. . I never had it but he insisted i tried it. Im no punk so i'll try anything once. The bartender couldnt believe we really wanted "this shit" his exact words. He gave us 6 chasers and watched us. I said are you about to watch me drink this? He said, "hell yeah i cant believe your about to drink it." (so now im nervous) Took the shot and screamed. Yeah i screamed in the bar. Great way to get all eyes on me. After going to the restroom to pee for the 8th time, we FINALLY left. We went to a couple more bars and proceeded to my hangout spot --->"Broadripple" (where its nothing but drunk cops, drunk white people, cheap drinks and $5.00 bars) I love it. So we drive there and its a ghost town. Well hell it was only midnight. I tell him i wanna go home and i wake up, annoyed with him "holding" me. I ended my one year celibacy. [bitter/sweet]
That was my Friday.

*I tried to do that whole Alicia Keys (like u never see me again type thing) Sorry if your confused.*

So i think i'm done drinking for awhile. I cant recall having a hangover this bad. Ive only felt this way once before (Ashleys 20th b.day) but i drunk damn near a bottle of goose. but i didnt throw up. Im saying no to drugs (weed) and alcohol for awhile. I hate the morning after!

OMG STFU!!!!!

2009-02-20T02:35:00.004-06:00

Am i the only one effin sick of hearing and reading about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Damn!!!!! Leave it alone. And people couldnt wait to get their hands on a damn picture of Rihanna w/ a busted lip and shit. Now you see it.. Are yall happy yet? Leave the damn girl alone. People are going to drive these celebrities insane. Its crazy how fast things surface the internet. Celebrities cant even sneeze without someone capturing a picture and blogging about it. Its sad. I feel for them. Who would really want to be treated like an animal and caged in all day? If they go out their privacy is immediately invaded. America has gotten too infatuated with wanting to know every little fact about celebrities and these dumb ass reality shows can seize too!

And to the whack celebs having youtube beef. (50 vs. R.Ross + Souljah Boy vs. Bow Wow TK vs. Bow Wow. etc. etc.) Get a life. My little sister (7y/o) asked me who did i like better Souljah boy or bow wow. i said what? She was like i dont like bow wow he was talking crazy about souljah boy. wdf? why does my little sister know about that shit? I stopped looking at mediatakeout awhile ago because they have the most bogus lies and rumors and i would get mad reading that shit. but damn near every site talks shit and spreads rumors. its sad. Ill be glad when this rihanna and chris brown shit is over with. im super annoyed!

I gotta find my peace of mind.

2009-02-18T14:03:00.008-06:00

So like Amber said I have to bring happiness to myself..
And since i feel like i'm doing absolutely nothing with my life
i think i'm going to volunteer and join the CCS. (cross cultural solutions)
Its something like the peace corps but its different in many ways.
Its a not for profit independent organization. I have a friend who goes to Russia for a month every year with her church and she loves it. So I think i'm going to do the insight abroad program, which is a one-week volunteer program offered in Brazil, China, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Morocco, Peru, Russia, and Thailand. You can choose to volunteer from 1 to 12 weeks, but i need to start off small. lol The only downside is i have to raise $1,898 dollars. It really isn't that much but seeing that were in a recession its a-lot. It includes my activities fees, lodging, meals, transportation, local and international phone calls and my travel and medical insurance. Oh and i have to pay for my own airfare. I just talked to a lady on the phone about it and shes supposed to send my more information in the mail. But this is something I've always wanted to do.. So hopefully everything works out for the best.

Oh and my current job is laying us ALL off. They didnt renew their contract w/ the building in which were located, nor w/ sprint so were bascially S.O.L. on April 1st. They told us if we stay until 4-1-09 we can get unemployment. (for those of you who know anything about unemployment you know it takes months to kick it) So its damn near stupid to stay. I've been looking for another job. I hate that job, but i'm so lazy and dont feel like finding a new one. I have been going to these temp to hire places, so hopefully i can find something that will last me to until mid-June (thats when i move) I've also been looking to work at a shelter for the homeless. I just want to give back the best way i can. And i have a huge soft spot for homeless people. If not a shelter than I might try to work back at the boys and girls club. (that was the best job i ever had) As much as i say i dont want kids, they bring me happiness. Well cross your fingers for me.. I hate being broke so i need some employment like a-sap.

p.s. Drake's So Far Gone cd is the shhhhhhhit! He's a beast.

I'm known to walk alone but im alone for a reason

2009-02-17T00:48:00.009-06:00

Why do we ask how are one another doing, when we really don't give a damn? We have trained ourselves to say, "I'm okay, How are you?" Knowing 5 minutes ago we were just crying or cussing someone the hell out. I feel like im lying everytime i subconsciously say, "I'm Fine." So why do we all pretend to be fine knowing that were not?

Personally my life is at a stand still as if I'm fighting against the time. I often get in these moods where I want to be alone, NO phone calls or human interaction period. Ashley said they are my i hate the world moods. But its not really that b/c I'm NOT depressed or mad. I cant really explain it. Like Monica said, "Its just one of them days" But i have those days too often. I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life. I'm just here wasting space. If something serious happened to me, i dont think it would severely effect anyone. Yeah a couple of people would make R.I.P. shirts but after a week or two life would go on and i would be forgotten (even by my parents) Is that weird? I don't have suicidal thoughts (anymore) but often I feel as if I'm just here wasting space. Is this normal to think/feel this way?

And when it comes to love i wonder if i've done something awful in my past lifetime? Or is love avoiding me? Yes there are people who like me, but i'm not attracted to them physically, or mentally. So why play games and pretend to when i don't? No i'm not searching for LOVE.. maybe i should of said LIKE. I just feel like its {love/like} is hiding from me or maybe i'm the one avoiding love?

Oh and on Saturday aka anti-valentines day. it was just that "He" didnt call me, text me, nothing. so i have officially put all thoughts and feelings about "Free" in a box and buried it deep. Thats that. I plan on never blogging about him or using any reference to him. ughhh dumb nigga. I dont even want to be "coo" its pointless.

REASON 274682383 WHY I HATE FACEBOOK!!!!
I hate when random guys inbox me or facebook chat me like its a dating service. yuck.. your a lame. My friend Teryn said, "I think technology is ruining chivalry. Facebook, Text Messaging, Myspace. No one can really get to know someone now days." So true. Im going to delete my facebook & myspace before i move to Atlanta. Theres no point in having it. I mean honestly I use the excuse of saying its to keep in touch w/ people. But i don't even like the majority of the people on there, so why lie to myself? I'm too lowkey to let everyone know everything thats going on in my life via facebook status and albums. I have a love/hate relationship with Crackbook.

You know how some girls say they are bored in their relationships b/c the guy is too nice and theres nothing to argue with him about? Well i feel like that with life in general. Not that i need a guy to define me. But theres nothing spontaneous and exciting going on. Nothing to really look forward to. And i guess thats why im so bored. I dont even want to shop. Theres no where to wear the clothes. okay i lied. i can always shop lol Well i guess i just feel alone in the world. Guess thats apart of life. Its so easy to talk about the negative then the positive and its something i need to work on.

How could you be so heartless

2009-02-12T02:23:00.008-06:00

"I met him in march. We made love by May By June we were here to stay, I thank you August for your grace. It's just too bad October didn't do the same. And I sure wish we made it by Valentine's day" -Solange.

I made a vlog today with my bff Ash And it wouldn't post. I tried like 3 times. So guess it wasn't meant to be. =/
So I HATE VALENTINES DAY! Yup i said it. I'm anti-valentines day! It sounds deep but its very true. In my opinion its one of the worse holidays ever created.. seriously. This holiday is to single out the single people. I'm single. Usually i don't have a problem with being so. BUT DAMN. Great way to single me out. Like blah. Thanks for making us single people feel ashamed to be single. We gotta hide out while the "lovers" are parading around the city. It wouldn't even be that bad if it wasn't on a weekend. Like fareal what am i supposed to do? I have no choice but to stay in and watch movies. It will only make me feel better right? ..WRONG! Its depressing. I'm not bitter. Swear I'm not. I'm all for love.. if its real. But I think its pointless. The flowers, candy, teddy bears, jewelery, corny cards and balloons... so annoying. If you love me then why just show it one day a year. All of this should happen anyways. Flowers - die. I think its a horrible representation of affection. Yeah they are pretty.. but they die. Flowers are for funerals and to say I'm sorry.. not i love you. Candy- I don't like it..so it doesn't matter. Teddy bears- I'm not 6. Cards - i hate them. I always personalize it. Those aren't your words. Its not genuine. And "eff that" its the thought that counts mess. Ashley said, "Why don't we see any Valentines cards for single people?" Very true. This holiday is so overrated in my opinion. But if I'm ever with someone around this time of the year there will be no mushy p.d.a shit. Did i ever mention i hate PDA? Well now you know. Its so extra to me. But if you are celebrating V-tines day I hope your doing something unique and with creativity behind it. No movies & dinner.. How cliche? The only good part is knowing your having sex at the end of it all.

Well i will be chilling with my new friend "Nuvo", doing the single ladies dance and watching Love Jones drunk while thinking about Free.

you shoulda hit him with ya umbrella- ella ella .

2009-02-10T01:03:00.005-06:00

I feel so under the weather right now.
Its warmed up so much here. i didnt wear heavy coat today or yesterday.. but like right now
I feel like pure shit. and it came outta no where man. my head is throbbing, my stomach hurts, i feel like im about to throw up. (i tried to make myself throw up) but nothing came up.

Ugh i hope this does not mean im about to get sick. i hardly get sick but when i do.. they go hard. they last for a good month.

seein that i cant pop pills.. im about to drown my sorrows with some nightquil. (yuckie)

Salene still wants me to ride with her to Alabama on Friday. I hope i feel up to parr.

Im thinking about doing a weekly v-log. i know my girls dopefiend and dopeness do them all the time. im thinking about doing a t.g.i.f v-log. only if i have time. i tried doing a vlog and started laughing at myself. It was weird talking to a camera. Idk why.. i swear i talk to myself out loud ALL THE TIME.
What do you think?

OH and to my dear friend Velly Velle where the hell are you?? U havent updated in forever.

Take a picture.. it will last longer..

2009-02-06T19:06:00.011-06:00

Bridezilla

2009-02-06T18:52:00.006-06:00

So im sure my sister is going to kick me out of her wedding yet AGAIN!
i understand shes stressed and all and she wants me to be her maid of honor although i dont want to be... its just alot going on. Im saving to go to school. Im getting a new car in March.. and she wants to rush and get married in two months and expects us to drop everything. She sent out a text to her bridal party saying she wants to have a meeting on Feb. 13th. ughhh ill be out of town. [i clearly dont have a v-tine so why not go out of town and get drunk with my bros]
i dont even have my dress yet. And really dont wanna drop $100+ for it. YEAH IM SELFISH! But shit she got proposed to on New Years eve.. your getting married March 7th??? Chill out Shawty?

My question to you is What is too soon?

Why do people really text everything? I dont reply to text messages. Im lazy. so if its that important call.

She kicked her own bff out the wedding b/c she didnt have the funds. We were both maid of honors so we were splitting the cost of everything. Bridal shower wise.. now im on my lonesome.. not excited. Im supposed to have it planned for the last wknd of this month. oops i dont even have a place. i suck at stuff like this. I mean i can do more.. yeah shes my sister, yes im happy for her. but i dont want her to rush something that supposed to be forever. i told her how i felt about them "rushing" the wedding and she snapped on me. kicked me out of the wedding.. then apologized and put me back in it.. im at the point of telling her make me a bridesmaid.. i dont want the duty of being the maid of honor. if she doesnt care about us (her bridal party) why should i care about her. My life is not stopping for hers or ANYONE else.

Borderline Suspect.

2009-02-03T02:57:00.002-06:00
Yall know im scattered brained... I jump subject to subject (when i talk)

FRESH FACES....
The last guy i was talking about.. he is super annoying. Told yall it would last 3 days. I met a some guys last weekend. One from Atlanta, One from NY and one from freaking MIAMI. wdf? Maybe i should just move there. Okay maybe not. (that would be stupid) But we talked today. He's super funny. Met him in Atlanta. He's like shawty come back, I'll buy u a ticket. Yeah sure you will, and im sure you would want something in return. But the one from Atl.. He's really really nice.. borderline suspect.
I was reading Ambers post about how guys are basically a waste of time. I feel you girl. But im not looking for a relationship. Just entertainment.. a friend. I dont want to be tied down. Yeah i might say, "I want a boyfriend." But dont take me serious. Im just talking.

Blogging...
Im not posting again until Thursday. (It will be a picture post of last weekend.) I'll play catch up for awhile. (reading blogs) Plus im finishing this layout.

I have alot to do these up coming weeks (my sisters wedding is coming up.) I hate when my paychecks are spent before i can even touch them. I gotta do all this shit for other people. I need a spa day for myself. Oh and Bombchell. i cant wait to move to Atl. That trip made me even more excited. Swear.

FRIENDS
I think its better to have a couple of friends then a handfull of FAKE ones.
I swear i have the worse luck with friends. (girls) Cant stand em. I really dont care at the end..
...And another one bites the dust

My life HAS to be a sitcom

2009-01-27T01:40:00.004-06:00
Life Rundown.. I swear my life is a sitcom. I still think its just like Truman Show or better yet maybe i'm being punked. I'm just waiting on Ashton Kutcher to pop up from a bush screaming bitch u just got punked. Since thats how my life seems
Soooo lets see..
The good:
I talked to the lady from admissions for the school I'm transferring to in Atlanta. She confirmed that i start school on July 7th. Too geeked. so I'm in the process of fin aid! My favorite..NOT! I'm flying to Atlanta on Thursday w/ my girls, so I'll probably make a stop by the school.

Oh and i met a new little booty. {that's what me and the bff calls new potential boo's] he's funny and coo as hell.. SO FAR ATLEAST! I promise these guys last 2 -3 days then I'll be over the situation.

this past wknd. i found a new hangout spot. too excited. Indianapolis sucks ass to me and I'm over the club scenes here. i hang out at the bougee black clubs, ghetto black clubs, bars with crazy white folk..fuckin EVERYWHERE and still hate the club scene [secretly] lol. So i finally went to this little comedy place with my cousins and bff. My cousin has been trying to get me to go there for months now! i had sooooooooooo much fun. You can get drunk and laugh your ass off literally. The comics were pretty funny and it was a chill hangout spot (very date appropriate since i like laughing) The only bad thing is its a two drink minimum and i don't like buying my own drinks.

The bad:
At work..i almost committed suicide. LITERALLY. i hate that fuckin place. i hate stupid bitch ass dumb ass effin customers who call in for dumb ass shit..{excuse the profanity, just thinking of it pisses me off} especially when they try to get me to adjust their account yet they are cussin at me. "uuugh no bitch I'm not giving you shit." today i almost got fired SWEAR! i was like, "Ma'am your going to have to calm the [--paused almost cussed] your going to have to calm down so i can help you." a sup was walking by. luckily he was a coo supervisor who likes me and was like you cant talk like that. ugh why not. I NEED TO FIND A NEW JOB!!!

The Ugly:
It seems like when i make 2 steps forward. I'm knocked back four more. Like sooo much bullshit has happened THIS YEAR.. its only the 26Th day of January. The only great thing is Obama being president. Everything else is bullshit. well sorta. Its alot of little things that's happening but the shits adding up. I'm the type of person to smile although its nothing to smile about. I just don't feel the need to complain all day. It never solves anything. plus i hate people asking me, whats wrong. I want to punch them in the face when they ask me that. Yeah i know you care, but your being nosey and adding more fuel to the fire. Just leave me alone. So instead of showing I'm mad.. i smile and listen to their bullshit life stories and play my Dr. Phil role that so many people look at me as. Don't get me wrong.. i don't mind giving advice but sometimes its like people take me for granted.. like i don't have my own problems.

Well that's life. So far. I'll post again later this week.. i need to start packing. i have clothes everywhere.

stay tuned for the next episode of

L A T E R

Am i a geek or what?

2009-01-25T03:57:00.004-06:00
Am i the only person who still has folders from high school. (i graduated 3 years ago) its mainly english essays, sociology and psychology essays. I have like every essay i've ever written. I just enjoy writing. Loser huh? Anywho I was rambling through old psychology packets and found papers on determining if your left brained or right brained. Its called Color Test. I remember i couldnt do it the first couple of times.

Are you left brained or right brained? Take this test and see how well you do! Your aim is to say what color each word IS, not what color the word SAYS. So if you look at PURPLE you would say WHITE since thats the color thats displayed.

Your supposed to read through them quickly and smoothly, about one a second without hesitation. If you have a speech impediment this is not the test for you. lol

This is a left to right conflict. The right side of your brain tries to say the color while the left insists on reading the word.
Tell me how u did.